


Ignoring Instincts

by gemsofformenos



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Dealing with pain/grief, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Lost of hope, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, Sokkla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 35,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23767732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemsofformenos/pseuds/gemsofformenos
Summary: Sokka can't stand the tires of his friends anymore to comfort him. No one can and so he decides to visit a person he thinks she could help him. At least he can try to follow an instinct he should have followed long ago in his opinion...
Relationships: Azula/Sokka (Avatar)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 71





	1. Visitor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PurplePlatypusBear21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePlatypusBear21/gifts), [TalesOfOnyxBats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesOfOnyxBats/gifts).



> Hello Everybody. It has been some time since I dared to start a multi chapter story but today I will give a long term project of mine a try. It's an idea I have started to work with back in August last year and I kept returning and working around possible directions from time to time. It's still a work in progress but within the last three weeks I finally found a possible direction for this story which had fit to my taste and because of that and because it is PurplePlatypusBear21's birthday today I dare to publish the first chapter of it. Since it is a Sokkla fic Iam super nervous cause there are so many awesome written takes on Romance out there in general and Sokkla in particular (But other couples as well).  
> This one is a gift to PurplePlatypusBear21 for all her encouragement and support for me and to TalesOfOnyxBats, who was and is a great source of inspiration and help for me. Thank you to both of you for all of your kindness and friendship!
> 
> !Warning! This fic will touch dark themes like self-loathing, sort of self-harm and self-destructive tendencies. The rating is here for a reason.
> 
> For everyone who still wants to read this one: I promise updates at least once a month, but I hope I can be faster and I hope all of you will have a lot of fun with this first chapter.
> 
> Yours
> 
> gemsofformenos

Sokka was wandering through the nice gardens of this place, The flowers were blooming almost everywhere and the heavy fragrance of lavender and roses mixed itself with the scent of fresh cut grass. It smelled like summer and warmth and the buzzing insects and singing birds, combined with the rich colors of this blooming and well gardened park turned this scenery into an idyll of life peace and harmony.

It was the perfect contrast for the way Sokka was feeling right now. This place tried to mock him, because his life was far away from these things. All these sensations seemed so dull for him, covered under layers and layers of gray dust and mist, which let the colors blur, the smells fade and the sounds been muffled down to whispers. They couldn't mock him, because they couldn't reach him through this cloak.

Nevertheless it has been his idea to visit this place, beside the open disbelief of his sister and his friends. He was so tired. Tired of their tries to make him smile again, tired of their compassion and understanding, tired of feeling guilty of being tired of this. He knew, that they were worried, too and that they were dealing with their own grief, so he had decided to search for another opinion, another way to cope with this tiredness.

He reached the main building on the areal and the guards before it greeted him instantly. His visit was announced and his rank as ambassador and Zuko's order had cleared the way for him. The doors opened and doctor Kujing headmaster of the sanatorium greeted him with a bow.

The corridor was gloomy, only lighted by crystals, like the ones he had seen in caves years ago during the war. No open fire was allowed down here, it was too dangerous. Sokka hadn't listened to the explanations from the doctor, he was busy scanning the surrounding. It fitted his mood much more than the bright garden and this idea let his mood drop to a new low. He heard some frantic screaming in the distance, which made his stomach cramp. It was a burning anger and rage in this screams, filled with high shrieks and almost animal like snarls, but something in this cries let his blood boil and freeze at the same time. He could hear shouts from other persons too.

Sokka turned to the doctor at his side, but he didn't need to see his nervous face to know the answer for his unspoken question. The screams had already turned into defeated and desperate howls broken by high pitched mourning screeches, which were cutting through bones with icy knifes. He had heard this sort of cries only one time in his life. It was a sound he had hoped, he would never hear again, but now they filled the corridor, echoing back from the walls and clenching his heart like at the day, they had brought Ozai to his cell.

He started to run down the corridor towards the source of this heart-breaking sound until he reached the open cell door. His eyes widened in shock. Two high grown, but bulky men were in a heavy struggle with a small and dainty young woman in a straitjacket. She was laying on her belly, while one man was kneeling on her back, pinning her down with his knee between her shoulder blades, his hands pressed at her temples to fix her head, while the other tried to bring a metal mask on her face. The dark and tangled hair of the woman hung in sweaty strains from her head and Sokka noticed the muscles of her neck desperately working in order to turn her face away from the mask, but the iron grip of them man on her back was too strong. Her screeching shrieks were shifting between pure and raw hate and tortured pain caused by the brutal force, which held her buckling body in place for this final humiliation. But her eyes gave Sokka the final sting.

Total fear and desperation, mixed with a naked panic. It was too much to ignore and too much to accept. He wouldn't want to be responsible for more pain and misery in someones life. He had caused enough of this, lately and he wouldn't let him be the reason for more of this.

Even for Azula.

Azula couldn't breath proper with the weight of the man on her back. It felt like her backbones would snap at any moment, but it didn't matter. This… thing was coming closer to her face. All what mattered was to avoid it coming on her face. It was the worst of all and more humiliating than anything else she had to endure here in this place since years. The thing was taking the very last of her, it was choking her, suffocating her fire, her dignity, her personality, just everything of her, leaving only an empty faceless puppet. She was gone every time, when this… thing was on her face. It left nothing of her, taking her face away, muffling and alternating even her own voice. With this thing on her face Azula was always truly gone, gone and forgotten and all what was left, was shame and defeat, loneliness and broken promises and so much pain. She became an empty shell, without a will and without any hope.

The pain became unbearable, but she kept fighting until her lungs and throat were sore and burning and her muscles, bones and joints started to crunch and gnash painfully, but nothing she did stopped the mask from coming closer and closer. She felt the cold metal already at her skin and she knew that she would fade again, as soon as this man would lock the heavy leather bands behind her head. Soon it would be over.

Azula heard an awful crunching sound and suddenly the mask was gone and also the painful weight from her back. She could see the man, who had tried to force the mask upon her face lying unconscious in front of her. She stared in confusion on the mask beside him as the second one was thrown out of her cell, followed by another man with a wolf tail and water tribe clothes. She could see him landing some hard strikes in the face of the staff member, before he kicked the man down the corridor. She heard the shocked voice of the doctor from out of the corridor.

"Please Ambassador, you must understand, these are only precautionary measures for your own safety. She is dangerous and could..."

A cracking hit sounded through the corridor and the doctor gasped in pain. Azula couldn't see, what has happened, but she heard painful whimpers from outside and after a little break a male voice trembling in burning anger.

"You dare to handle a human being like that? You dare to handle her like that?"

"But Ambassador, Azula is..."

The voice of the doctor sounded like his lip was swollen, but his excuses got stuck in his throat.

"A bowl of pleasant warm water, a soft sponge, fine soap and shampoo, a comp and a brush for her hair _now_!"

Even Azula had to shudder at this command and she heard hasty footsteps fading in the corridor. The doctor gave his explanations another try.

"But Ambassador, I understand your shock and… anger, but without bindings she..."

"That's why I start with her hair."

Azula started to remember this voice, but something was different, even beside the cold anger in it. Maybe when the man would continue talking…

"Ambassador, I strongly recommend to let us put the mask on her face, before you enter her room."

Raw and naked panic pushed her curiosity aside and she started to rob away, but without success due to the straitjacket and the bindings at her legs.

"No!"

The harsh answer was an ultimate warning and it let Azula snap out of her panic. The heavy silence was hanging in the corridors as the man spoke again. Azula recognized that his voice was trembling and the way his anger was dipping from his words seemed to be familiar to her.

"I this the usual treatment for her, when she receives visitors?"

Azula was holding her breath but she also felt herself shaking badly. She barely recognized the growing panic in the doctor's voice.

"Well no. She doesn't wear the mask when visitors are present, but..."

"But what, doctor?"

His voice was sharp as a knife. His cold tone let the doctor's voice fall to a trembling whisper.

"She gets sedatives and we have to put this mask on her face, so we can give her..."

"This ends now. She won't be sedated and she won't be forced to wear this horrible mask."

It was an order and a warning at the same time. Azula heard footsteps coming closer to her cell.

"But she may breath fire at you, Ambassador."

The footsteps stopped and Azula could already see a boot at the open door of her cell.

"Would you blamer for doing so, if you think of the misery I have caused for her by my simple wish to visit her, doctor?"

The silence was screaming through the whole complex and the man finally entered the room and bowed down to Azula to help her gently up. She looked confused in the deep blue eyes of Sokka. His anger was barely hidden, but these blue eyes faced her golden ones with kind determination, she hasn't seen before.

"I won't blame her for that."


	2. Starting Searching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everybody. Second chapter is ready for you, I hope all of you will have a lot of fun with it.

His strong arms lifted her up, easily and he placed her carefully on her chair after he checked the cell with a bitter look for any better place for Azula, but hadn't found one.

"Now get the stuff and a second chair for me. And get you staff member out of my sight."

The doctor and two guards entered the cell. The lip of the psych was cut open and swollen. They lifted up the unconscious man on the floor and left the cell. It took her some moments to realize that he was aiding her sit and had started to rub her shoulders a bit, because she was shaking badly like she was terribly freezing. A mortifying situation and she started to wind herself out of his grip, nearly falling off from the chair, but he caught her and lifted her back carefully. She glared in anger and hate at him but he only returned her gaze with a bitter smile.

"Leave your hands off of me, filthy peasant and go back into the freezing hole you've come from."

He instantly obeyed her wish, but he retrieved his hands carefully to assure that she wouldn't fall from the chair again. Azula felt a pleasant tickle in her stomach as she recognized the hurt look in his face, but something confused her. She had also expected some anger or arguments, how he has helped her moments ago, but he just watched at her with this deep sadness in his eyes and also with a hidden lack of understanding. It didn't fit to him and it made Azula even more angry.

"What do you stare peasant. Be glad, that I gracefully have decided not to follow my instincts… yet."

She underlined her statement with a little snort, which let some blue flames coming out of her nose. She gave him a malicious and threatening smile, as she recognized his little jerk at her flares, but it faded into a frowning as she recognized his eyes watering. He was just so pathetic and she hated it, this pity in his eyes.

"Stop staring at me like at a freak, peasant! I don't need your pity!"

Her eyes were burning in anger again, but Sokka kept his blue ones locked with hers. His sadness seemed only to grow and he faintly shook his head.

"I don't pity you Azula, I pity myself."

Azula's jaw dropped for a moment, but then she stared to laugh. It started with an evil chuckle but it turned over into some almost hysteric shaking laughters.

"You're more miserable and pathetic than I thought you could be peasant. You're the last one of your stupid group showing up in my cell to bask in my misery and here you are, even too weak to enjoy your sweet price of victory."

An evil sparkle was glittering in her golden orbs and the wicked chuckles seemed to prickle on Sokka's soul like needles which let the grin in Azula's face grow wider and wider.

"Look at the great warrior, standing in front of his broken and defeated enemy. Here I am humiliated, bound and broken, sitting in my own filth, a true and ultimate prove for my failure and your victory and the great Sokka isn't able to celebrate this triumph, to let his beaten enemy feel his loss even in her last bone. Tell me peasant, how it comes, that the bound one in this room is delivering the punches and not you?"

She saw Sokka bitting his lip for a moment before he dared to speak. Azula noticed, that the life, his eyes had treasured, even in his teary bitter looks, was replaced by an emptiness which truly surprised her. His voice fell down to a hollowed whisper.

"Because I see no victory here in this cell, only more misery of mine."

Azula opened her mouth and closed it again, staring completely baffled at Sokka. The young man used her confusion and surprise to lean forward to her to whisper into her ear, ignoring the danger, that one breath of her could burn his face or neck to a crisp.

"And because I hope to find a hint how you keep your fire burning after your world crumbled down all around you."

He took a step back and turned away from her questioning look, wiping his own eyes dry. The mocking and burning chuckles came back to Azula's throat. Now it was almost pity in her voice.

"Oh that's rich. _You_ think that _I_ would help you? Guards! Guards! I think someone has slipped out of your nuthouse."

Azula spitted on the floor in front of Sokka with loathing and cold anger.

"When you think, I would even consider to help you peasant, than we should better switch positions instantly. Rather I would rot here forever."

Sokka stayed silent for a moment and observed Azula in her chair. Then he walked towards the mask and picked the dreadful thing carefully up from the ground. Azula tried her best to suppress her reaction, but she failed poorly. Her body stiffened instantly and pure fear rushed over her face as Sokka was testing the weight of the metal mask in his hands. His eyes were locked with the emotionless grimace of the metal object. He recognized the footsteps sooner than Azula and turned to the door of the cell as some members of the staff brought everything Sokka had ordered. He handed the mask one of the men.

"This thing won't be part of her life anymore. Take it with you and lock the door behind you, when you have left."

The man swallowed hard, because Sokka's voice was stone cold. He nodded and took the mask away with him, as he left the cell, followed by the surprised but fearful look of Azula. She only snapped out of her thoughts, when she felt Sokka start working at her bindings of her straitjacket. It let her instincts took over and panic clawed her again, but Sokka stopped instantly at her fist frantic moves.

"Easy, I just want to loose the bindings a bit. It will make it more comfortable for you, when I wash you hair."

She just stared at him for a second, like he was a pink speaking komodo rhino.

"Which part of 'Don't touch me' haven't you understood, peasant?"

Sokka sighed a bit frustrated and for the first time Azula could see a part of the old ridiculous peasant she knew shining though.

"I won't touch you, I just want to wash your hair."

He wanted to start loosing the bindings again, but Azula turned her back away, facing his look with a suspicious frown.

"Do you think this gesture would change my mind, peasant? And by the way, you have to touch me to wash my hair."

Sokka looked ashamed to the ground.

"No… Yes… No, not really… Well maybe a tiny little part of it. At least I hope you can see it as a try to say sorry."

Azula snorted again. It was so pathetic to see him whining like this.

"Say sorry. Sorry for what? Sorry for crushing my life and dreams, for abandon me here in this misery. Spare me from your pity peasant and spare your breath for the ones, who want to hear your whining."

It seemed, that she finally had hit a nerve, because something in his blue eyes changed. Suddenly he looked really hurt and… defeated. It brought a smirk to Azula's lips. Finally she would get rid of this whiny man.

"No, to say sorry for being too late again and not following my instincts."

It was a heavy bitterness in his voice as he got up from his knees behind her to walk towards the door of the cell. He stopped at it, but he didn't turn around. His voice was nearly choked with tears.

"It seems I'm always too late when it really matters."

Azula heard it and it was sending a cold and surprisingly unpleasant tickle down her spine. She observed Sokka knocking at her cell door and calling for the guards. It made her frown in confusion.

"What do you mean, peasant? Why do you came here?"

Sokka finally turned to her and tears were rolling down his cheeks. His grief seem to radiate from him, but it didn't give Azula a satisfied feeling, it only managed to knot her own guts. The hollowed look in his eyes were too familiar for her.

"To get what I deserve, Azula. To get what my friends cannot give me, but it seems, that I only have taken a bite again, too big to swallow. The story of my life, you may say."

The door opened and Sokka wiped his tears away, facing the former Princess with dead eyes.

"Don't worry, the mask will be history for you and you must not fear to get bothered by my presence again."

It was some sort of fatality in his voice, as he nearly whispered the last words. Azula had no clue, but it seemed, that her words have broke something in him… and she couldn't place a finger on the reason, why she spoke up now.

"Wait."

He was already out of her cell and the door nearly closed, as her call echoed through the room. Seconds passed and the door stayed open a bit, but Sokka didn't returned. Azula's mind was blank and her look wandered to the bowl with warm water and the soap and shampoo and then back to the barely closed door.

"What do you deserve?"

The silence became more and more unbearable with every further second.

"Answer me peasant, what do you deserve."

Azula's voice was filled with demanding anger, but she also notice a faint tremble in it. The door opened again and Sokka came back into the cell, looking defeated at Azula. It elicited her a little gasp, because he looked broken, completely broken.

"All of it."

His voice was so weak, so unlike and unfitting for these three words and for this tall and bulky man, who was standing in the doorway of her cell.

"All this loathing, all this hate and anger. None of my friends can give this to me, only compassion, but I'm sick of it. I'm drowning in the sweetness of it. I know they want to help me, I really do, but that's not how I feel. I feel all of this in me right now and I'm tired of… of…"

He seemed to search helpless for the right words. It sounded crazy, he knew, but something in Azula's eyes told him, that she's got it. She's got it instantly. He didn't need compassion, he needed the anger and frustration, the pain and the accusations, someone who accepted his feeling, that he had failed completely, because compassion only made it worse for now, only poisoning the oozing wounds on his soul. She understood him. Totally. That's why he had dared to visit her after all these years.

Azula closed her eyes and sighed.

"I'm strongly in doubt, that you could hardly fit my standards when it comes to choose personnel peasant, but you may give it a try."

Something in Sokka's eyes had changed, as she opened her own again. He smiled a little at her as he walked back to her to loosen the bindings a bit, but more interesting was this warm shine in his blue eyes. Azula raised an eyebrow, but this confusion wasn't caused by Sokka's smile, not directly. She felt a strange tickle in her guts, which confused her, but she pushed this feeling aside for now. He wanted to be treated miserable and this was a wish she could truly fulfill. The idea to boss this peasant around like some of her servants was kind of promising and she hated to admit, that Sokka had managed to lift her mood to a point, where it hadn't been since years.


	3. First Cut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter is ready for you, but also a little warning. I don't know how much time I'll get for writing during next weeks. I can stick to my promise to update once a month but I'm not sure if I can hold up my rate of one chapter each week which I had so far. So yes I'm still working at this story but new chapters might get published less frequent. With this said I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new chapter.

Azula jerked a bit as Sokka started to wash the shampoo out of her hair. She had bossed him around a bit as he had washed her hair but she had to admit that he knew this job surprisingly well. Three times he had called for fresh water to get the old filth out of her hair and he had worked himself through all the bad knots and tangles most carefully until even the tiniest one was removed out of her hair. Then he had started to wash her hair a fourth time and had begun to massage her scalp with strong but also so gentle fingers. The soothing movements had done some magic to her mood, she had never thought she would feel such gentle touches anymore. He had somehow managed to make her forget this miserable place, the bindings and the straitjacket and finally Azula were dozed off in his hands. She blinked a few times and watched in the warm smile of the man behind her.

"Slept well, I hope?"

Azula snorted a bit.

"Not really, peasant. The chair is hard, the jacket and bindings are uncomfortable and your presence is annoying."

She saw him smirking at her and felt a warm tickle running down her spine as he lifted her up on her chair again so she could sit straight. He started to comp her dark hair in silence, but suddenly she heard a snipping sound behind her and she turned back to him, staring at Sokka in disbelief, because he was holding a scissors in his hand.

"What do you think you're doing, peasant?"

Sokka looked a bit confused at Azula and at the scissors.

"Cutting your hair a bit. The filth and the knots are out, but do you have a clue how it looks like?"

He wanted to turn her head back, but Azula leaned back from Sokka, looking suspicious at him.

"Washing my hair is one thing, peasant, but cutting..."

Her head got turned back from Sokka before she could continue her speech and she felt him already starting his work.

"Relax, I know what I'm doing. You'll be surprised and I haven't argued with the staff to get a scissors in here for nothing."

Azula took a breath to continue arguing, but then she closed her eyes for a second and let the air audibly leaving her lungs. She focused her look on the looked door of her cell and let her mind focus on the snipping sounds behind her. It was the only sound, which filled the cell for a while, until Azula's curiosity took over.

"I may consider to add you too my staff, peasant. How it comes, that you can do such things?"

The snipping stopped and Sokka's face approached upside down from above Azula's sight. He had a ridiculous charming smile on his face.

"Hey, even such a handsome guy like me needs to take care of himself."

He wiggled his eyebrows as Azula rolled her eyes and disappeared out of her sight with a little snicker. It let this strange feeling return to Azula, but she suppressed the reflex to shake her head. She didn't trust his abilities with the scissors completely and she wouldn't give him more trouble with it. This was much more the stupid peasant, she remembered and it was deeply confusing for her, how this fact was stirring up her mind and emotions.

"Seriously, where did you learned this."

Sokka stopped cutting her hair for a moment and Azula noticed, that he needed to focus.

"At home, when I was a kid."

He seemed to hesitate to continue and Azula knew why, because she felt her own hate bubbling up, but she managed to swallow a part of it. It has been her fault, that she had brought up this subject, maybe she could build a bridge… with some sharp knifes of cause.

"Your witch of sister."

Sokka inhaled sharp and Azula could feel a wave of raw anger radiating from him, but she didn't mind. He wanted punches and here they are. He took some deep breaths before he continued cutting.

"Katara..."

His voice still got a sharp edge, which brought a smirk to Azula's face, but she decided to leave it for now. Sokka took a deep breath, before he continued with a sigh.

"After mother was dead, we had only our dad and grand-mother, but they were busy with the village most of the time, so I had to take more responsibilities. I have helped my sister with her hair for years, washing, comping, brushing, cutting, plaiting braids all this stuff, our mother had done, before she got killed."

Azula stayed quite. Sokka's voice was darker and quieter as he continued and it formed a thick lump in Azula's throat, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it.

"Katara had missed mother so much, she still does and I wanted to ease some of this pain. Helping her with her hair was one way for it, so I wanted to be perfect, like mother was. I trained with the little girls in our village for hours every day, I practiced plaiting with my own hair to show her, how she could do it on her own later, that's why I can do all this stuff."

Azula could feel a hot swirling tickle in her guts, but as longer as this feeling kept on as more it brought a burning anger to the surface, which she couldn't suppress.

"At least she had a mother, which had support her until the end and a brother, who had helped her to deal with it against all odds. I had to stand my ground on my own."

Azula's voice was bitter and the words were pressed through her teeth while she was working her jaw. It left an awkward silence in the cell only broken by Sokka's working scissors.

"It's amazing, isn't it?"

The question caught Azula off guard and she turned around to face the sad look of Sokka. His blue eyes were filled with bitterness but understanding.

"I haven't lost a thought about it until know, but you also had to grow up far too soon."

A sad huff escaped his mouth and he shook his head with a bitter smile.

"I see why you hate each other, you're both jealous of what the other has."

Azula felt her anger burning hotter.

"How can you dare it, peasant? Why should I be jealous at your filthy witch of a sister?"

Azula's anger was mirrored by a hot rage in Sokka's blue eyes. She had never seen him so furious, but she also kept staring back at him. She noticed, that his free hand was slowly building a fist and they kept staring at each other for a while, until he could level his rage a bit.

"Simple _Princess_. Both of you have lost your mother when you were young, but you are jealous of Katara because of what she had and Katara is jealous because of what you still could have."

Azula released a sarcastic snort and was about to turn back, but Sokka stopped her, facing her glowing orbs with his deep blue eyes.

"Both of you had to watch, how your mothers have left your lives, but there is one major difference between Katara and you. Our mother is dead, Azula. Gone forever. Katara would give everything to get her back at least for a brief moment, but this will never happen. You mother lives. It's life that keeps you parted, not death, so life may bring you back together. All what brings me back together with the ones I love is death."

Azula noticed how the glow in his eyes changed from anger to deepest sadness, but her own red mist of rage kept her blind for a vital change in his explanation.

"Spare me this preach, peasant! My dear brother has tried it many times to convince me of her love and worries for me, but I know better. You think that death is the ultimate barrier? You may be right, but life can have the same hight, peasant!"

Her anger rushed in burning waves over her, but it was cooled off with one simple gesture. Sokka nodded. A defeated nod, but with a knowing face. It let Azula's jaw drop and her anger fade.

"I know, Azula. I understand it, but my sister can't, like you can't too. She wants her mother too badly, like you don't."

He turned her back and finished the cutting in silence. Azula's mind was working. She realized, that he had switched from his sister to himself during his explanation and it was giving Azula a strange feeling. Something badly must has happened and normally she would enjoy to search for this open wound, but something insider her let her hesitate. The snipping sounds had ended for a moment and Sokka took a towel and made a turban of it with the wet hair in it. Azula turned to him and saw him taking the sponge and the soap, while he nodded at a second bowl of fresh water, he obviously had ordered as she was asleep.

"Your face. May I clean it, too?"

Azula blinked twice in disbelief… and then she blew a hot ray of fire out of her mouth, burning the sponge in Sokka's hand. The man had barely time to let it fall to the ground, sharing a baffled look with the wicked smiling Princess on the chair.

"A simple 'no' may have done it too, but I guess that's a no."

Azula's smile faded and her face turned into a mask of anger.

"Look around peasant. Look at me! What do you think this should become? Spa day? Here? For what? Your personal amusement?"

Sokka stared at Azula. He noticed a hidden sadness in her spitted quotes and behind this rage in her golden orbs, so he followed her order. He started to scan her cell closer and his mood dropped. The room was almost empty, only a bed with heavy leather bindings and Azula's chair seemed to be the only furnishing, which was usually found in here. Old and newer burning marks on the walls and on the ceiling were telling stories of her hopeless fights with the staff. His eyes wandered back to Azula. He had loosened her bindings a bit, but she was still bound up like a package, her arms forced on her back, her legs firmly bound together and also fixed with chains at her jacket to limit her movements down to zero, if necessary. Her face was covered with layers of old sweat and dirt and he was in doubt, that the rest of her would look better.

"You may have skipped my current situation peasant, because your kind of people is used to live in such a filth, but washing my face will change nothing.

She smirked evil, as she recognized his anger and shame growing.

"And I'm already wearing my best robe for you, peasant. You should feel honored, I'm not choosing my best straitjacket for anyone, so you see my life in this palace has so much to _offer_ to me. Nice spars, rich and exquisite meals, finest fabrics and clothes, oh and don't forget the nice and capable personnel and all the wonderful people who are around me every day."

Sokka faced her look for a moment and Azula enjoyed how his ridiculous idea was crumbling down in front of him, leaving him with this dumbfounded and shameful face. He took a look at the smoking rests of the sponge on the ground… and then he turned around and called for the guards to leave the cell. Azula's look followed the fleeing man with a wicked grin, until he had left her cell, chuckling harder and louder with every step he took away from her misery. It only turned into teary sobs, when the echo of his footsteps vanished in the corridor.


	4. Foolish Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everybody. I was able to finish a new chapter today, still my warning about less frequent updates is up since I have to watch from week to week if I find time to work on this one here. I wish all of you a lot of fun with htis new chapter.

Azula hated this feeling and she hated Sokka for bringing it back to her.

Regret.

His company had made her feel better than she has felt in years. It had been nice to boss him around, to let out all the sasses at a person, who had only quoted parts of it with a smirk. He had helped her being a little more herself again.

She felt a new wave of regret and sadness rushing over her and it choked more teary sobs out of her, mixed with the burning anger over her mortifying weakness and this stupid peasant, who had dared to bring all of this back to her. This ridiculous idiot, who has given these staff members a trashing for hurting her, who has saved her before this mask and who was furious about how these men have treated her.

Why did he does this for her?

Why was he mocking her with these actions?

Her tears ran finally dry at some point and she kept staring at the rests of her cut hair on the ground. The towel on her head was fallen down an hour ago, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered here anyway. Even the staff didn't care. Due to the sounds from outside her cell, they were busy with other important things, so no one has found the time to remove the bowls with the now cold water and all the other stuff, Sokka had ordered for her. Her daily routine had her back again.

Azula snapped out of her thoughts, as Sokka opened the door of her cell. His face was tired, but also filled with his own sort of resignation. He stopped two steps before Azula and faced her questioning look. He started to move his lips, but stopped during taking a breath. Normally it would have amused Azula to see Sokka's mouth moving like a fish on land, but it started to annoy her, that this man kept bothering her and mocking her with this sudden sort of attention.

"Speak up or leave again, peasant!"

Sokka sighed a little and started to scratch his head.

"I know you'll argue, that this also won't change your situation and you're right, but… well I have organized something for you and I want to know if you want to see it and if you can walk on your own or if you need..."

He bit his tongue at Azula's glare and rephrased his offer.

"… or if you wish my assistance, so I can show you, what I have prepared for you."

Azula raised an eyebrow and observed Sokka pensively, checking his stand from head to toe. He was nervously scratching the back of his head, with a nervous smile on his lips, but his eyes kept focused and locked with Azula's. The Princess tended her head to the side.

"I could walk for myself without these bindings."

Azula smiled sarcastically and provocative at him, but her jaw dropped as Sokka circled her and got down on his knees to free her from the heavy leather. It took him some moments, but he had her out of the bindings in no time and got back before Azula, offering her a hand to help her up from her chair.

She was too shocked and perplex to argue with him and nodded so he took a careful grip at her shoulders and lifted her on her feet… and she fell over instantly, because her legs weren't used to carry her alone, but Sokka got her instantly and she found herself caught in his arms, her face close at his.

"You're okay?"

His blue eyes were so close and filled with worries. It brought a strange tickle to Azula and she simply kept staring at him. All she could do was to stare in these deep blue eyes, who were so surprisingly warm at the same time and also Sokka was frozen for a moment. There was this strange surprise in her look and this unknown glitter in her eyes. Moments passed, before Azula shook her head a bit, while giving Sokka an angry glare.

"Get me on my feet, peasant. This wouldn't have happened, when my arms would be free too."

Her jaw dropped a second time and she couldn't believe it, that Sokka was really so stupid, but the man got back behind her and opened the bindings of the sleeves, so Azula was now able to move her arms. She stared at him in disbelief, but tried to walk a second time, with her arms as a help to balance herself, yet the result was the same. Azula toppled again and found herself again in Sokka's arms, now with her own laid around his neck and shoulders. These worried eyes and this aiding grip around her waist let her heart jump up high in her chest and she felt her own legs getting even weaker. A wave of sudden anger rushed over her and she wanted to push him away, but suddenly he simply lifted her up, holding her with one arm around her shoulders and the other at her knees, cradling her tight at his chest. It intensified this surprised anger, but she could also feel her cheeks heating up in a strange way.

"What do you think..."

She was cut off by an annoyed groan of Sokka.

"Oh come on, Azula. You want to see, what I have prepared, don't you? And your muscles seem to need practice since you've been bound..."

He didn't finish the sentence and turned away from her angry look with shame and sadness. He simply started to carry her out of her cell and a bit down the corridor. It confused Azula deeply. She was only brought out of this cell, when it was absolutely necessary and only after hell of fights with her. She had expected many guards, but there was none. The whole wing of this cellar complex seemed to be abandoned. She considered to ask him about it for a moment, but she decided to let him suffer more for this new shameless resistance against her wish to leave his hands off from her.

"Bound since years over and over again. No need to hide the truth, peasant, _I_ know, what _your_ victory has brought to me."

She recognized, that Sokka was chewing on his cheek, but he stopped a moment in the corridor, right a few steps before another open door.

"But it wasn't what you deserve, Azula."

The honesty in his words caught her off guard, not the words itself. She had expected such a pathetic answer. She had heard it from her brother, from Aang, from her treacherous ex-friends, so she was prepared for this argument, but not for this sadness and defeat in his voice. Sokka's look wasn't focused on her anymore, he seemed to stare at person down the corridor, who wasn't there. It gave her a strange knot in her stomach she normally didn't feel in this situation and so she turned her head down a bit.

"Yet I am here, peasant."

It carried more bitterness and resignation as she wanted to lay into the answer. It wasn't even the planned answer at all, because she had planned more accusations for him, more sharp knives and razor blades, but her answer came out just as pathetic as his quote before and she hated herself instantly for it. She felt the red hot mist falling before her eyes and she stared deadly at Sokka, but he only gave her this sad teary puppy smile which lifted this crimson shade before her eyes. She scanned his face closer with an almost sulky look and found this lack of understanding hidden in it too.

"You're still fighting. You still believe in a chance for you, don't you?"

This question was like cold water over Azula's head. She stared with open mouth at Sokka, who's eyes seemed to loose his vivid color a bit.

"You're truly am..."

He shook his head and a sudden bitterness rushed over his face before he took a deep breath and walked into the room. The sight elicited Azula a gasp of surprise. She knew this room, it was the washing area and she had some very unpleasant memories at this place down here but right now it looked very different. There were two bath tubes ready in this room, both filled with warm water, due to the steam which was rising from both, one only half-filled, the other completely. It was everything there for a nice bath, soaps, sponges, even shampoo, beside the fact, that Sokka had already washed her hair, some perfumed oils and towels. Azula's eyes opened even wider in disbelief. Good clothes were prepared on a chair in a corner of the rooms and many paravents were ready to be placed to give privacy and to separate the facilities from the rest of the room. Sokka carried her carefully to another chair and let the Princess watch the room for a moment, before he finally started to speak.

"I know, it doesn't change the fact where you are and it's not the luxury you used to have at the Palace, but it's the best I could arrange in such a short time."

Azula stared at him like a second nose was growing on his forehead. It let him blush and he started to scratch the back of his head again.

"I have expected, that you would be weak on your legs at first, that's why there are two tubes in here, because..."

Sokka's cheeks were already burning in crimson red, but he could luckily use Azula's shock to continue.

"None of the female staff wanted to give you a hand and on second thought I think you gladly skip any helping hand from the staff here, but I'm out of it, too, so..."

He took a deep breath and walked to the half-filled tube.

"This one is only filled with a little water, so you don't have to fear to drown in it, I hope. The bath will help to bring back life to your muscles and when you feel ready you can go into the second one."

Obviously Sokka felt more and more uncomfortable, because Azula kept staring at him and so he kept talking as his life would depend on it. He didn't know, if she was speechless because she was happy, surprised or simply pissed by this idea. He knew, it wouldn't change the fact that she was imprisoned here in this sanatorium, but he wanted to do something.

"Look I thought a nice bath would be good for you and I really want to do something to make up for the misery my visit has caused for you and..."

"And you think a bath and some clothes will do so? What's next a nice dinner with you, and then a nice room, maybe candles or some music?"

Azula had finally found her breath back and her biting sarcasm too. This peasant had really talent to make a fool out of her. His face fell and the bitterness, she had seen before as he had carried her in returned.

"It's pretty close to my plan, Azula. I have prepared two rooms for you down here, nothing special, but less miserable than this cell and have ordered food for you, when you're finished and I'm sure I can manage some music for you, if you want…, spirits I would even try to sing for you okay, so..."

"No I don't want it Sokka!"

Azula screamed her rage against the shocked man, who winced back from her.

"I don't want this! I don't need this and do you know why? Because I don't want to play a part in your stupid game here. I'm tired of playing a role for anyones favor, Sokka. You need this to make yourself feeling better, but what about me?"

Her rage was growing and she didn't recognized the tears which were floating her eyes, only this bright burning rage.

"What do you think will happen, when you leave? Everything will be the same. I'll end up in this cell again, bound and left alone and the mask will return, so if you truly want to do me a favor, than spare me all of this, because it's torture to see all of this only to know, that it'll be taken from me again as soon as you'll leave!"

Sokka stared shocked at her. Azula was on her feet and shambled clumsy towards Sokka waving her arms around. Suddenly the sleeves of the straitjacket started to burn in blue fire and Azula's hands and arms appeared. She threw a fireball at Sokka and he had to role aside, but two others were bursting right in front of his nose on the ground and he hit his head hard at a tube. Azula was above him within the next moment, a blue flame threateningly close to his throat. She was kneeling on his chest and a dangerous fire was in her eyes.

"Wake up Sokka, trust is for fools and you're the king of it. I was bound for a reason and even Aang or my brother have been clever enough to keep me bound."

She gave him a dangerous sweet smile and he felt the flame grew higher.

"You must truly be insane, when you really have thought you could win me with some weak gestures and your charm, because you're less handsome, that you think."

She chuckled evil.

"But I think this is nothing, which could be cured in here."

"Guess why I'll stay down here too."

Now Azula's jaw dropped totally. Her flame dies and she didn't even resist as Sokka finally dared to push her softly down from his chest. She kept kneeling beside the bath tubes, staring at him in deepest confusion, but he avoided her questioning look. He only walked to the other chair with the towels and pulled out an object out of the bag on his belt. He placed a shaving knife made of bone on the pile of towels.

"And yes I'm the king of fools, because I trusting you with this one, too."

His voice fell down to a trembling whisper.

"Be careful with it, it's really sharp. I leave it to you, if you'll use it for what it's made for or if you prefer to cut me with it. I would accept both choices."

He felt Azula's baffled look resting on him and it was choking him, so he rushed out of the room, with the promise to wait before the door, in case she would get in trouble in the tube.


	5. Offers and Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. I have managed to finish a new chapter today, still updates will be unpredictable due to busy real life. I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new chapter.  
> ! Warning ! Threatening of an attempt of harm and self-harm within this chapter

It took time until Azula decided what she would do. She used the opportunity to reactivate long forgotten muscles, moving and stretching her arms and legs to adjust every limb and every junction at this new gained freedom. She stared at the bath tubes for a while, and checked the soaps and oils pensively. Sokka was no liar, he had made the best out of the limited options. The soaps were surprisingly fine, not the best quality but really good and the oils were sensing of rose, lavender or citrus fruits.

Azula caught herself, that her lips had formed a little smile, which made her roll her eyes with a sigh, before she finally undressed. Her first action was to burn the rests of the dreadful straitjacket and the other filthy clothes, she had to wear before. She took a fresh soap and enters the half-filled tube. The water had cooled down a bit too much, but this wasn’t a problem and soon she was busy with washing and cleaning herself for the first time since years, with good brushes and sponges, not sedated, pinned down and handled by ungentle rough hands. Azula felt some tears running down her cheeks as she started to see how her skin looked now. The pale hue looked almost waxen, much paler than she remembered and her body was covered with bruises, caused by her fights with the staff.

She left the first tube after half an hour and prepared her second bath, choosing the finer soaps and the rose oil. Azula stopped before the knife, Sokka had left. It was made out of bone, probably from a whale and looked primitive, but only on first sight. Finest carvings were on the blade, looking like waves and the heft was carved too, showing a fine image of a big whale. Azula picked it up and recognized instantly, that it was laying perfect in her hand. It was made out of a bone, but whoever had crafted this object had done a terrific work. It wasn’t a cold touch, but a warm and comforting one, due to the material it was made of.

She checked the sharpness of it as the fine hairs of her arm first and gasped in surprise. Sokka hadn’t joked, the knife was incredibly sharp, much sharper, than she had ever expected. It would be suitable for her. She placed the knife on the edge of the second tube and entered the cool water. She heated it up to a pleasant temperature and the fragrance of the rose oil filled the room with its rich and warm flavor. The warmth started to crawl into her muscles and body and she dipped herself under for a moment, before she finally relaxed, leaned at the wall of the tube. Azula hated to admit, but this experience did make up a bit of the misery, he had caused for her, not only today.

Azula hadn’t felt so good since years. She was cleaned, shaved and dressed in fresh and fitting clothes. Her body didn’t felt so sore and beaten anymore and she could move every limb freely. She took Sokka’s knife and walked to the door, ready to let him swallow more venom about his ridiculous idea, but she hesitated. He had said, he would stay down here, too, but why? She opened the door, but no one was before the room. She looked down to the corridor, but she seemed to be alone. All she could see was the door, which separated this complex from the others, so she simply walked back to her old cell. It was there, where she found Sokka, staring at a big bag on the floor.

“You would have never heard me drowning while in here, peasant.”

Azula’s smirk faded, because Sokka didn’t look up, he kept staring at the bag and his voice sounded tired.

“I left my post, as I heard, that you were finished with your bath. I had to call for your meal.”

Azula frowned at him and walked closer. She raised his knife up before her face and observed it for a moment, before she brought the blade close to Sokka’s face. The man didn’t show any kind of reaction, but he lifted his head, as Azula kept holding the knife threatening close to his cheek.

“You’re really a big fool, peasant. What would you do, if I decide to attack you right here and now?”

Sokka was keeping eye contact, ignoring the knife in her hand. His look somehow knotted her guts, because she could see no resistance, no fears or concern in it. Sokka was just waiting. It let her mind work faster. Maybe she has started this from the wrong side, even if it wouldn’t make sense to her.

“Did you lost a thought about the possibility, that I could have used it against me.”

There it was. A sudden flicker in his eyes, a familiar one.

Fear.

She was about to bring the knife to her throat, but Sokka was much faster and stronger. The knife was out of her hands even before Azula had a chance to prevent him from doing so. She stared at him in total disbelief. She was trembling and looked in these sad blue eyes with a massive lack of understanding.

“No, because you prefer other options as long as you have them.”

His voice was a bit shaky, but his look was determent. Azula started to chuckle, while her lips were forming a wicked smile.

“Yeah, but I could have only hurt me, to hurt you. How do you think my dear brother would have reacted, in case I would have harmed me with the knife you have given me?”

Sokka stayed awfully quiet and looked to the ground. It let an unexpected wave of bitterness rushing over Azula, but she kept a straight face. She walked close to Sokka and leaned forward, to force her face in Sokka’s sight.

“Get it peasant, there was a reason, why I was bound, but you fool have freed me. You have given me the power to harm or kill anyone down here, including myself.”

Sokka faced her look and something in his eyes made Azula shudder. There was a sadness in it, she had never expected.

“I know.”

Something in Azula’s mind clicked in place. She winced back a bit staring at Sokka with widened eyes. He looked so painful sad at her and was about to speak up, but he stopped and only took a deep breath to come down. A weak smile came back to his lips.

“I promised, that this new freedom for you will be maintained, but you was right, it would be taken from you sooner or later as soon as I would go, so I’ll stay to assure these better conditions.”

Azula’s jaw dropped as he continued his explanation.

“I have prepared a sleeping room for you and you have already seen your new bath and facilities, not perfect, but due to this room an improvement.”

Azula knew, that she must look ridiculous, but right now she didn’t care. This had to be a joke, but this water tribe peasant in front of her was obviously not joking.

“I’ll see if I can arrange a trainings room too and some sort of entertainment, like books or scrolls and a proper room, where you can read, if you like to. I’ll stay here in your old cell.”

He bowed down to his bag and took out a hairbrush. He circled Azula and started to make her hair. She was still too shocked and surprised to make him stop and he used this opportunity. He loosened his own hair band, which was forming his wolf tail and Azula felt, how he was parting two bangles from her hair, which suddenly appeared on both sides of her face. Then he formed with the rest of it a top knot and fixed it with his own hair band. He walked back and nodded with a satisfied smile at Azula, before he returned to his bag. He hesitated a moment, but then he took out a little mirror. Sokka held it before her face and it elicited Azula a teary gasp.

It was her, who was looking back with a shy face and glittering eyes, but it was her. The bangles were perfectly framing her face and the top knot on her head was also bound perfect, only the blue ribbon was different. The young woman, she could see was older than the teenager, she knew, but it was her. A smile rushed over her face and Sokka kept holding the mirror until Azula faced his look again. He placed the mirror back in his bag and grinned.

“Still in doubt about my skills with the scissors?”

Azula stayed quiet and Sokka passed her, walking out of the cell. He was in the corridor on the way to main door to ask for the meal, when Azula’s voice made him turn around.

“This is insane, peasant. Totally nuts in fact. No sane person would free me, talk to me like that and would consider to stay down here with me.”

Sokka frowned for a moment, before a little grin reappeared on his face.

“Lucky for me, that I’m in a nuthouse right now.”

He wanted to walk on, but Azula left her old cell too and walked over to him.

“I still could kill you any time, peasant, now that you’ve freed me.”

Sokka’s gin faded a bit, but he dared to place a hand on Azula’s shoulder.

“And I could have drown you in the bowl, while you were sleeping.”

Azula was about to wince back, but finally she didn’t. She simply kept her eyes locked with Sokka’s and both looked at each other for some time. Azula felt this strange warm tickle coming back as longer as her eyes kept locked with these deep blue ones on Sokka. Finally he squeezed her shoulder and gave her a warm smile.

“Seems we both consider to be fools. At least for now.”

He turned around and walked on towards the door, followed by Azula’s confused look. She placed a hand on her shoulder, where Sokka’s hand had rested only seconds before, brushing with her thumb over this place and the strange tickle she started to feel in her stomach formed a confused frown on her forehead.


	6. An Offered Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everybody. I do expect a longer break between this new chapter and the next one cause my freetime to write gets cut painfully short lately and as far as I can see it'll become worse. So Iwant to take the chance and time I already don't have to publish this one here for you. I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new chapter

He had brought her the meal, fried rice, fish and vegetables and also some fresh fruits, nothing extraordinary, but it was feasting compared to the meals she used to have down here.

And it wasn’t forced down her throat, no she could eat it on her own, like a human being. Sokka had left her alone in her new room. He hasn’t given her company at her meal and she was thankful for this break, but at the same time it felt strange too.

Azula’s new room was still a cell of course, but she had a wardrobe with fresh clothes, a table and chairs a bed and even a make-up table, but the mirror on it was covered with a large piece of fabric. It seemed, that he was informed about her hallucinations. But the greatest gift for her was the bed. A real bed out of wood, with a good mattress, thick pillows and a soft blanket and no bindings to fix her.

A knocking at her door ripped her out of her thoughts. It was strange to be surprised by this little gesture, but she was thankful to receive these simple forms of manners. Azula have had no clue how much she had missed such gestures until now. A second knocking reminded her, that she was still staring at the door. She tugged on her clothes and brushed her bangles in place with her thumb.

“You may come in, peasant.”

Sokka came in with a shy smile on his lips. He took the empty bowl and the chopsticks and scanned the room with a nervous face.

“It’s not the Palace of cause, but I tried my best.”

Azula heard the nervousness in his voice and it brought a smirk to her lips, but also a pleasant feeling in her belly. She scanned the room with pensive eyes again and released an resigned sigh, taking care that it sounded more serious, than it was really meant.

“It is acceptable, due to the circumstances.”

Either Sokka hadn’t recognized the tone in her voice or he had simply ignored it, because a beaming smile came to his lips.

“That’s the nicest thing you have said to me today. Maybe the nicest thing you have ever said to me.”

Azula rolled her eyes, but she felt her cheeks flushing and she had no clue why. The Water Tribes man turned around, quickly and was about to leave her room, when her commanding voice made him stop.

“You have promised me entertainment, peasant.”

Her mischievous smile grew as she recognized the man stiffened before her. It took some awful long moments, before he answered. Something in his voice was dull and sad, but it was only a faint hint of it.

“I’ll be back soon, I just need to fetch something.”

He came back soon as promised, but his face was uneasy. He was holding a flute in his hands and Azula recognized, that this instrument was also made out of a bone. She was about to speak to him again, but he raised his arm and sadness and nervousness in his look left her lips sealed, much to her own surprise. Sokka took a deep breath in and focused… and then he started to play the flute.

Time seemed to blur around the Princess. The whole room, everything was blurring, washed away by this soft and comforting melody, which was wrapping and drifting around her like a warm breeze. The notes told her a story of the sea, of warm sunshine at beautiful beaches, of the moon and glittering stars at a warm summer night on a cliff and of the loving touch of two hearts. But there was more in it, a somber shadow or a begging whimper, rooted in a deep sadness and desperation. It stirred up confusing emotions in Azula, a longing for freedom, for having such moments too, but also a sadness, an idea of a loss she knew all too well.

The bitterness in Sokka’s face was hurting and Azula released a little gasp, as she noticed the faint tear running down his cheek as he ended the song. She was thankful that the man seemed to be deep in his own thoughts, as he finally took the instrument away from his lips, because it gave her time to recognize her own tears on her cheek. She erased the humiliating signs of her weakness as quick as possible, but it took her a few more deep breaths, before she managed to talk to him again, without a pathetic tremble in her voice.

“This was surprisingly good, peasant.”

Unlike the last time her compliment didn’t elicited a smile from the man. Sokka only nodded, but he avoided her look, still rubbing his eyes. It let Azula’s stomach drop in a strange and unknown way. She suddenly felt the urge to ask him something, but she bit her lip and swallowed this gnawing feeling and so she simply observed Sokka’s own struggle with his feelings in silence. Eventually he released a big sigh and managed to look at her again. His sadness wasn’t vanished, but something thankful was in his look.

“My friends would have hugged me now, they would have talked to me, told me that everything will be fine again, but you haven’t.”

Azula frowned at him, but Sokka only stood up and bowed before her.

“You know best that some things will never be fine again. But you believe, that you can get used to it. That’s why I am here. I want to learn to get used to it, Azula and this is nothing what any of my friends want me to teach. But you can, because you understand it.”

He straightened up again, facing the slightly shocked look of Azula.

“Teach me to get used to this pain, to live with it and I’ll help you to leave this miserable place.”

Azula crossed her arms before her chest and released a sarcastic huff, still it sounded a bit half-hearted.

“You’re a fool, water peasant. I’ll never leave this place here. You cannot guarantee me freedom.”

Sokka withstood her look and something dangerous was suddenly in his voice.

“I know that, but I can make everything less humiliating and miserable and it would give you the chance to run out of the rest of it.”

Azula gasped in surprise, but Sokka’s blue eyes were burning right now in a dangerous fire.

“Don’t think I wouldn’t expect, that more freedom wouldn’t offer you a chance to escape. I may not be able to open the cell, but I can take influence on the fact how hard a break out would be.”

Azula kept staring at Sokka with an open mouth as the man turned around to leave her room. A wicked chuckle started to rise in her throat and it made Sokka stop in the doorway.

“What a pathetic try, peasant. I should believe, that my enemy would offer me a chance to escape after he has thrown me in this misery? Only to deal with some whiny issues he think he has? Even you can do better, Sokka!”

Sokka didn’t turn around, but Azula noticed the trembling fist pressed against the frame of the door.

“You misunderstand my intention, princess. I’m not sorry for fighting and winning against you and your father, but I am sorry that I decided to stay blind for your fate for so long, until my own also kicked away my legs.”

The honest bitterness in this words stirred up her emotions again and she could feel the struggle in herself to laugh about this ridiculous quote or to scream at him. But a third one won the fight and this was disturbing her even more, because it was a stinging pain in her chest, which tightened her throat again and forced her to keep on staring at the man in the doorway.

“Enemy or not, I knew what this defeat has brought to you, but instead of trusting my instincts I decided to ignore them and so I lied to myself.”

He wiped over his eyes with his other arm and his voice got teary.

“But it seems, that I’m a lousy liar in the end. Goodnight Azula.”

He was out of her room before the firebender got her breath back. She kept staring at the closed door for a while. This was all so confusing. She felt suddenly weak and exhausted and her head was buzzing from all these stupid ideas and questions in her head. She decided not to change her robe and let herself fall onto her new bed. It worried her and confused her that one bunch of questions started to crawl back in her mind over and over again, while she recognized the sleep coming to her. Why did he came to her now? What has happened in his life, that he seems to beg for her loathing, that he seems to welcome the misery she was offering him? And why does her wellbeing seem to be so important to him, that he risks his own for her? It almost seemed that he really cares for her more than he did for himself.

But this couldn’t be true.

Or not…?


	7. First Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. It has been a longer break and some more will come cause times keep being busy for me, but I do try my best. I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new chaper.

The next morning was pleasantly foreign to her. No group of bulky men, who forced her out of bed to the ground to get her eat food or medicine or to wash her like an dirty animal. Azula woke up by herself and for a moment, she almost thought, that she was still dreaming, until she realized, that she really had a new room and privacy. She considered for a moment to sleep a little longer, but she was hungry and wanted to try, how far she could push her luck with Sokka. To her surprise she found breakfast and tea on a little wagon before her room. Sokka was not to be seen, but she heard rumbling noises from another empty cell down the corridor. She was curious, but decided to enjoy her new freedom a bit more and so she took her breakfast inside.

Azula took her time. After a long and relaxed breakfast she decided to take another bath. Since Sokka has brought the bathtubs to the room, the staff had used to wash her from time to time, it was a room, which provided running cold water and Azula noticed, that Sokka has ordered or installed some more customization during the night, because the tubs could now be filled directly with the water. She smiled as she noticed more soaps and perfumes than yesterday and also a little sign, the water peasant had probably painted himself to signal each one of them, when this room would be occupied. She checked the item a little closer and couldn’t suppress a little chuckle.

On the one side was a badly drawn stick-man version of Azula with bangles and a mad face, leaning forward behind a half opened door and burning the butt of a running stick-man version of Sokka  
The other side showed a screaming stick-man version of Sokka jumping out of a boiling bathtub, while an evil smiling Azula was on the other side of the drawn door, fueling a fire underneath the tub.

She placed the sign outside of the door and prepared a fresh bath for herself.

After Azula had finished her morning routine, she finally returned to her room. She was holding the blue ribbon in her hands and walked towards the covered mirror, but hesitated. She was unsure, if she should really dare to uncover the mirror to arrange her hair. For some awful long minutes she just stared at the covered object, but finally she turned away from it and left her room again. Sokka hasn’t shown up yet, but due to the noises, he still seemed to be busy in another room and so Azula decided to take a look after him.

Her jaw dropped as she finally reached the third of the five rooms in this part of the asylum. Sokka was busy with fixing a trainings dummy at the wall, but the whole room was already filled with trainings material, rings, targets, mats and so on. The man had obviously taken care, that the room provided enough space for some small katas. He stood up, as he had checked the final bolt and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Azula felt her cheeks flushing a bit as she noticed that Sokka had taken off his shirt. She coughed slightly to signal him that she was present and Sokka winced a bit and turned to her with an excusing smile. He took his shirt from the floor and dressed himself quickly, before he turned back to her again with a curious face.

“What do you think? Will it be suitable for some basic training?”

Azula snapped out of her staring and checked the room. She took a step inside and Sokka made some space for her. The firebender placed the blue ribbon on the floor and closed her eyes. She started with some basic moves, after she had leveled her breath and soon she was in a little kata, which contained moves which didn’t need too much space. She loved it to feel her Chi floating, the heat of her own flame and the match of her breath and movements. No one of the staff would have ever allowed her to bend and of course not to train, but this stupid peasant had unchained her yesterday and now he offered her a trainings room. She hated to admit, but it was soothing her to feel her flame again.

Azula opened her eyes after a last forceful punch and she recognized that she was smiling.

“I guess your smile is a yes.”

Azula turned to Sokka again, who was now standing in the doorway, observing her with a warm smile. She was about to consider a denying quote to mock him again, but suddenly she recognized his tired eyes. It seemed to her, that he hadn’t much sleep during the last night, so she decided to give him a little reward for his efforts. He has done a good job in the end.

“It’s definitely not a no, I think.”

Sokka nodded satisfied. He walked over to her and picked up his ribbon. Without any question, he started to bind her the top knot like yesterday, smiling warm at her surprised look.

“Much better for your training, I think.”

Azula felt her cheeks flushing again and she cursed herself for her strange reaction at Sokka’s little gesture. The man must have noticed it, but he also had noticed Azula’s embarrassment about it and so he thankfully skipped any comment. Instead he just stretched himself a bit.

“I’ll get a bath too. Go ahead and check out the room. I can imagine how much you must have missed your training, so enjoy the time.”

He was about to leave as he stopped during turning around.

“Oh, I nearly forgot. I have ordered papers, ink and brushes for you. I have no clue what you would like to have for reading or entertainment, or if you want to have none of these things at all, but in case you should have wishes for the last room, just write me down a list and I’ll see what I can do.”

He was out of the room, before Azula got a chance to answer. She watched at the empty doorway for a while, before she finally started to train again.

Azula only stopped training, as she noticed her appetite coming back to her. To feel the heat of her own flame, the satisfying soreness of her muscles after a proper training, the way these moves could clear her mind and sooth her soul... she had to miss this feeling far too long. It has helped to bring her troubled thoughts back in line a bit. Azula knew, she had to be careful, if she wanted to have a chance to find out, why this stupid peasant was here. He was promising lies, she would never leave this miserable place. He would never give her a chance to flee these cursed walls. He only tried to dull her mind, while he was transforming this place into a golden cage to sooth himself. To create a place, where her dearest brother could keep his trophy sound and safe. But for now she decided to play along this game, mostly because it offered her the chance to boss Sokka around like the peasant he was in her opinion.

She was about to leave the room as she heard Sokka arguing down the corridor with the doctor. The voice of the psych was sending a shiver down her spine and she felt fear and hate crawling under her skin, but she kept herself focused and tiptoed closer to the door to listen to the conversation.

“... is dangerous. Fire Lord Zuko wouldn’t be pleased, if she would hurt you, ambassador.”

The begging sound of the doctor’s voice was almost amusing, but more interesting was Sokka’s huff.

“And leaving her to your way of treatment again? No way. So far she hasn’t roasted me, she has bathed, has eaten proper and is now at her first training since years. Everything still far from ideal, but due to the impression I got far better than everything she had before.”

There was a little silence until the doctor gave another try to convince Sokka from his point of view.

“She’s probably only toying with you, ambassador. You cannot trust her. Please, at least consider to take a room outside of these walls. It would be saver...”

The begging voice was cut off by Sokka and the man sounded determent.

“I will stay here. Right now I feel I’m right where I have to be and if she should consider to burn me to a crisp at night...” Sokka took a deep breath and his voice was suddenly filled with a dull sadness. “... then I would have at least another pain I could focus on for a while.”

Azula felt her chest tighten a bit and it confused her deeply. The new silence was hanging heavy in the corridor. It was the Water Tribe’s man again, who dared to break it.

“It has a reason, why I decided to make this step.”

The doctor’s voice was filled with a new compassion, but also with seriousness.

“I know. And I’m sure we can help you dealing with it.”

A defeated huff escaped Sokka, but he remained silent. Azula could hear the locks of the heavy door, which was separating the complex from the rest of the cellar of the sanatorium. She was about to leave the new trainings room, when the doctor’s voice made her stop in motion.

“I’ll have to report this to Fire Lord Zuko and your sister of course.”

Sokka’s voice was emotionless.

“That’s your job, doctor.”

The door fell back in place after another second and Azula could hear her own heart beating in her ears. She waited for some further seconds, until she finally dared to leave the room. The former Princess nearly collided with Sokka, who was pushing a dinner wagon towards the trainings room. He greeted her with a little smile, like the former conversation Azula had eavesdropped had never happened.

„I hope the training has been a refreshing change, Princess. I have ordered some snacks for you, you must be hungry.“

Azula checked the food on the plates with an exaggerated poshy look.

„It is acceptable.“

Sokka‘s lips curved up a bit at this quote. He bowed a little and was about to pass the Princess to walk towards the last room of the corridor, when the Firebender stopped him with a suspicious frown.

„And where is your food by the way. Beside the rumors I prefer my personal servants fed and healthy.“

Her voice was dipping with sarcasm, but she had to admit, that she hadn‘t seen Sokka eat since he had arrived here. She received a thankful smile, but the man shook his head.

„No thank you. I‘m not hungry.“

Azula frowned at this answer and she crossed her arms before her chest.

„I still can smell a lie, peasant. When did you have your last meal?“

She recognized the little twitch from Sokka‘s left eyelid, but the warm smile remained.

„This morning, before I brought you your breakfast, so don‘t worry.“

He bowed again and was gone, before the firebender got a chance to dig deeper. Azula shared a suspicious look with the door, which had swallowed the warrior and the food. Something was wrong here and she had to admit, that Sokka‘s behavior left an uneasy feeling in her chest.


	8. Painful Memory

The day held up more surprises for Azula. Like Sokka had announced, he came by with ink, brushes, and paper, so she could write down wishes for the last room. She hated to admit, but Sokka‘s idea of a little library was the most promising one so far. She hadn‘t got the chance to read since years and so she made a list of books and scrolls she would like to have down here. Some of them, because she really wanted to read them again, but others just to give Sokka an extra task or to deliver some dirty punches, like the works she ordered about the war against the Southern Water Tribe. The Firebender smirked as she noticed his anger rushing over his face at the titles, but due to her disappointment he simply nodded at her and left her alone again.

After a little while she could hear him working and moving furnishings again. Since she hadn‘t nothing else to do, Azula decided to check on Sokka. She followed the sounds trough the corridor and found him in the last former cell. The man was busy at removing the rest of the old gray-green paint from the walls with an iron brush. The Firebender leaned against the doorframe and observed Sokka for a while with her arms crossed before her chest. She still couldn‘t make a rhyme for herself, why he was doing all this, but she would find out sooner or later. She could wait and it was a nice change to have something different to do, which would keep her mind occupied. She didn‘t mind slow steps so far.

„You left out a spot over there, peasant.“

Her voice showed slight amusement and she smirked at the little sigh of the warrior, but Sokka switched his attention back to the named spot at the iron wall. The silence of him was another thing, which had started to puzzle Azula. Sokka has barely spoken more than necessary since their talk about eating. He has followed her orders in silence most of the time. This wasn‘t the kind of change, she wished right now.

„You have a tongue, peasant. You want to change this misery of mine, then better use yours from time to time.“

Sokka‘s movements with the brush slowed down a little.

„I thought you would prefer some distance. Beside it seemed to me, that my tries to talk with you haven‘t hit your taste so far sooner or later.“

Azula‘s lips curved up about his try to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

„So you decided to give up. How pathetic. And I don‘t accept pathetic behavior in my staff. So try better, maybe you can find a topic I want to talk about.“

Sokka still kept focused on the wall and the old paint on it.

„I‘m in doubt I could offer a topic, which wouldn‘t upset you sooner or later, Princess and by the way I‘m not in the mood for small talk.“

Due to his work he couldn‘t see the dangerous sparkle in Azula‘s eyes, but he could hear and feel the sharp knifes in her voice.

„Afraid you could get roasted tonight if you would upset me too much?“

Sokka stopped in motion. Seconds passed until he slowly turned to Azula. The Princess was smiling victorious at him but her smile faded at the empty and hollowed look on Sokka‘s face. His voice fell down to a whisper.

„A bit, but not because of me, Azula.“

The words kept prickling on her like hot and cold needles, but her mind worked fast.

„You said, you‘ve been too late. You haven‘t trusted your instincts. When?“

The question had slipped out her mouth faster than she could hold back the words to think twice about it, but she kept her golden orbs locked on the warrior. Sokka seem to grow smaller in front of her. He was struggling with his emotions. The sadness and grief was burning bright in his blue eyes.

„Answer me peasant!“

Azula‘s demanding voice let him snap out of his emotions and he focused on her look.

„Why are you afraid what would happen to me and not to you if I would burn you right here and now, peasant?“

He started to tremble and Azula noticed, that his hands had formed fists. She could see the skin above his knuckles turning white, but finally he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

„Because I don‘t want to hear you screams again like yesterday.“

The words hit her like a shock, still she was about to add that this wouldn‘t be a problem for him anymore, if she would dare to follow her instinct, but he raised his hand and so she stayed quiet.

„I have heard you screaming like this before, Azula.“

Tears watered his eyes and his voice started to tremble. Azula could feel an uncomfortable heat crawling up and down her body. An idea came to her mind, when and where and she definitely hated to be remind of this shameful days, but it was too late. Surprisingly the stupid peasant seem to guess her feelings about it, cause he avoided to mention exact time and place.

„Back at this day, my instinct told me to do something, anything.“

She could hear a desperation showing up in his voice, while he kept on talking.

„Everything what has happened before didn‘t matter in this moment. My instincts screamed at me to help. But...“

His voice broke. He fell down on his knees and tears ran down his cheeks. Azula simply stared at the man in front of her, caught between confusion, anger, shame and rage. It gave Sokka time to talk on.

„I failed, Azula. I failed to trust myself. They have told me, you would burn me, kill me, breathing fire and doom at me and so...“

Azula felt her anger winning over the other emotions, which kept whirling like a hurricane in her.

„They‘ve been right. You wouldn‘t have survived any try to do so peasant.“

To her surprise she sounded less sarcastic than she had wanted to be in first place. Sokka looked up to her and there was a bitterness in his face.

„How should we know. I haven‘t even tried.“

His head fell down to his chest again.

„I always seem to fail my instincts when it counts. I‘m sorry.“

Sokka was still facing the ground, when a dagger out of a blue flame approached at his throat. He slowly raised his head again, facing with empty eyes the burning look of Azula. Shame and anger were torturing her face, but there was a pain in her eyes, which was running so much deeper.

„Pathetic. Weak. Tell me peasant. What does your instincts telling you now?“

Sokka faced her burning orbs for a moment and then he closed his eyes.

„That I‘m right there, where I should be.“

The flame got brighter and suddenly Azula threw a fireball at the wall behind Sokka with an anguished scream. The warrior opened his eyes, watching at a trembling Azula, who was staring at her hands, while hot tears started to run down her cheeks. He got up carefully and after a little hesitation he dared to place his hands on her shoulders. The princess seem to consider to allow this contact, but then she winded herself out of his soothing grip with a forceful and harsh move.

„You‘re a fool. A pathetic, whiny fool!“

She was about to storm out of the room, as Sokka‘s voice made her stop in the doorway.

„It seems we both have issues with our instincts, Azula.“

He gave her a free way again and returned to the wall and the scrubbing noise of the brush was all what remained in the air. Azula left the room with boiling anger, but also with a gut-wrenching feeling. How could he dare to do this to her. She should burn him, kill him and end this pathetic game of him. It would end it and it wouldn‘t change anything. She would never get out of here.

Azula stopped at her room, cause there was a sudden silence in the corridor. Sokka must have stopped working at the wall and she was wondering why, when she heard an anguish scream of him and the sound of the brush hitting a wall. She retreated in her own room, but noticed the desperate cries of the man down the hall before she closed her door.


	9. Dodging Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. A little reminder for anyone who gives this chaper a look that the Azulaweek will start next Monday (July the 6th). I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new chapter.

Azula and Sokka avoided direct contact during the next week. The Firebender returned to treat him like one of her servants and Sokka did everything like she wished, but the silence between them was always thick and heavy. And Azula noticed another change at Sokka. He didn‘t look healthy. His skin was slowly getting an unhealthy gray and he seem to feel cold sometimes. Beside acting like a servant, the man kept himself busy with working on the rooms, adding fresh paint, organizing furnishings, even decorations, everything to turn this cage into a more pleasant looking one, but it still remained to be a cage.

It was at day ten, when Azula noticed a vital detail. She could almost have slapped herself, for missing it so far and for the strange feeling she got at noticing. It confused the Firebender. Sokka‘s room, her former cell still looked the same. The same dreadful bed, no paint, no furnishing, it was a place of misery.

Azula noticed the knot in her stomach and shook her head as she returned to her room, where Sokka was waiting at her door. The look of the man was uneasy. The former Princess took a deep breath and her face returned to the slightly mocking one, she had reserved for her permanent guest.

„What‘s the matter peasant? Bad news about my last ordered books?“

Sokka shook his head.

„No, doctor Kujing wants to visit you.“

The hate was radiating from Azula as soon as the name had left Sokka‘s mouth, but he didn‘t give her time to spit out her anger.

„He seem to be surprised, that everything seems to run so well so far and wants to be shown around and wants to see you.“

Azula‘s face turned into an wicked smile.

„Oh I hope he shows up. It would offer a chance to show my gratitude for years of extra care and treatment I received here.“

She expected a protest, rolling eyes, a pathetic try to talk some ‚sense‘ into her, but Sokka only looked, like she had kicked him. He looked down to the floor.

„That‘s why I haven‘t allowed it.“

Azula‘s jaw dropped. For a moment she wasn‘t sure what to say. She just stared at the man in front of her, but then a grim fire approached in her eyes and her voice hardened.

„How dare you peasant to decide this for me. How could you dare to take this chance from me, now that I finally can fight back, now that I can let them pay for their treatment for me...“

This time also Sokka‘s voice hardened.

„Because you wouldn‘t win. You only would end up in your old misery again and this time I wouldn‘t get the chance to untie you again.“

There it was again. This strange feeling, which was bothering her since this blue eyed warrior had showed up here. This stupid and naive man.

„And you think you could stop him from making this visit?“

Her voice had an dangerous edge. She remembered the talk between Sokka and the doctor, she had eavesdropped and a cruel smirk crossed her lips.

„Our wishes mean nothing down here, peasant. We are both here as long as _they_ wish and we‘re allowed to exist like _they_ decide which is best for us. You‘re not better than me, peasant. You‘re only another patient in this hellhole.“

She could see how her spitted words hit Sokka, how his face fell and it let her grin grew as she came close to him to whisper in his ear.

„Welcome to the nuthouse, peasant.“

Azula turned around on spot and was about to go back to her room, when Sokka‘s low voice made her stop.

„He agreed to wait until the end of the week.“

The Firebender turned back to him with a suspicious face. Sokka was staring at the ground, so she couldn‘t see his eyes, but his shoulders hung down.

„He promised not to talk with you, he only wants to see the rooms and how the change of the surrounding seems to have affected you, then he‘ll leave.“

He looked up and there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes as he noticed the pensive but confused look on Azula‘s face.

„And he‘ll come alone. No guards, no staff.“

Azula opened her mouth, but shut it again. Her mind was racing along questions, but the ones she was finally asking surprised herself the most.

„Why do you care, peasant?“

Sokka‘s face fell again and he simply stared to walk away with a murmured ‚See you‘, but Azula grabbed his arm and stopped him.

„You avoid answers and I hate secrets within my staff. So tell me, Why do you care? Why do you constantly risk to get killed by me with your annoying and futile tries to ‚save‘ me?“

His silence nearly shoved her over the edge, but for now she managed to channel her frustration into another hurting quote.

„What nightmare must have crossed your path, that you dare to throw away your life for your friend‘s freaked out sister?“

She lighted up a flame on her palm and brought the dancing fire close to Sokka‘s face, but he only stared at the blue light with dead eyes.

„Do you want to talk about the nightmares, which are hunting you?“

The flame jumped dangerously higher and anger, but also a hint of fear was written in the Firebender‘s face, but Sokka didn‘t wince back. His eyes were focused on the flame, avoiding the burning orbs from Azula.

„Do you want to tell me about the burden you‘ve to carry?“

He finally looked her in the eyes, but his blue ones seem to lack any spark. Seconds got stretched to hours and finally he sighed and took his other hand to loosen Azula‘s grip on his arm.

„That‘s what I thought. I‘m not here to talk about it. I‘m here to learn to live with it.“

He continued to walk off towards his room, but stopped at his doorway for a moment, staring into Azula‘s old cell. She could see the deep pain at his face as he was scanning her old home of misery. The Firebender was staring confused at him.

„And I must say, that you‘re a good teacher. I start to get an idea how you can handle it.“

Her old cell swallowed the man, leaving an staring Azula behind. It took her a moment to realize, that she was trembling. His voice had sounded broken and so hopeless and she noticed that this fact was wrenching her guts. She had seen an understanding in his dead eyes like she hadn‘t seen at anyone before. None of her visitors, none of the staff or the doctors have ever had this sort of look, they all have shown pity, but Sokka... he seemed to feel it and she didn‘t know why.

She looked at her hands for a moment and finally released an angry curse before she returned to her own room again.


	10. What Keeps You Awake

The rest of the week flew by in no time and Azula’s worries grew with every day. She had to face feelings she didn’t understand and for once a certain one was concerning her the most.

Uncertainty.

She wasn’t sure what to do about the expected visit of doctor Kujing.

It was the night before the announced visit and she still hadn’t make a choice what to do. Azula was laying awake in her bed staring at the fresh painted ceiling.

Blue and crimson red.

Sokka had painted it the last two days when Azula was in her trainings room or in her new growing library the warrior was building up at her wishes. She let a strain of her dark hair running through her fingers and played with the ends of it while her thoughts were wandering.

One day she was planning how to burn this doctor alive and the stupid peasant as well if he would try to stop her and at the next moment she found herself having doubts if this would be really helpful. It would end all the freedom she had gained lately thanks to Sokka.

But this ‘freedom’ was only an illusion. It was still a cell. She was still caged away like an animal, the difference was that someone has started to take care that the cage was a nicer one.

As longer her mind kept wandering around these aspects as more she recognized an confusing fact, which was a source of growing concerns. The gained new comfort and treatment was nice but she would get tired of it anyway sooner or later and she was still imprisoned in this asylum so it didn’t matter if they would chain her again.

Azula got up and took place on the edge of her bed facing the covered mirror in the corner of her room.

Why was she struggling with the decision to get a little revenge?

The empty and worried look of Sokka came back to her mind and the sting she felt made her digging her nails into the sheets until she felt them pressing painfully in the palms of her hands.

How could he dare to do this to her.

How could he dare to give her second thoughts, to make her feel weak. How could he dare to mock and torture her with all of this.

But this would stop now.

She would end this now in one way or another.

Azula got up from her bed and slipped into a night robe. She felt her anger burning as she left her room towards Sokka’s but the Princess noticed the hot prickle of nervousness and shame within her stomach with every step she got closer to her former cell. She stopped at the door, which wasn’t completely closed and took a deep breath before she dared to push it a bit open but a haunted whimper let her freeze on spot. She peaked in and noticed Sokka tangled in his sheets sleeping.

The room was too gloomy to recognize details but the yelps told Azula that the man was deep within a nightmare. She could hear the sheets ruffle and beside the fact that she couldn’t understand the gibberish he was murmuring, the sound of his voice was filled with fear and grief. She lighted a little flame on her palm and dared to walk in finally.

The blue light gave her a view on the haunted warrior. The blanket was tangled under him, winding around his right leg. His open hair was a wild mess of sweaty strains and he was clawing the sheets tight in his struggled nightmare jerking and ripping at it. She could see his muscles working and the heavy and labored movements of his bare chest. Pure terror and torture flickered over his face from time to time and Azula couldn’t help but feel a sting as she heard him crying in sleep with begging sounds.

Her own breath was faster and she noticed a choking feeling in her throat as she recognized that his face was showing more bone than it had at the beginning of this week. She hadn’t noticed it so clearly before like she did now in the flickering light of her blue flame.

Azula made a trembling fist forming a dagger out of her flame and brought it closer to Sokka’s throat. The sleeping man seemed to notice the heat of the flame and released another whimper. The Princess felt her fist shaking heavier as she was holding her blue fire near to the man.

“… Suki… No… “

Azula stumbled back in shock at Sokka’s words. The torture and grief in the man’s voice was cutting like an icy blade and he shifted in his bed.

“… Fight Suki… … my fault…”

Sokka started to trash and kick in sleep while a tortured screech started to grow in his throat which let Azula’s blood running cold.

“… Suki no. Suki…. SUKIII!!!”

He was up with an soul-splitting scream. Pure terror was in his eyes, a feral look like a wild animal, his blue iris framed by red. He was hyperventilating and had ripped the sheets at his struggle. The warrior hadn’t even noticed Azula’s presence and was staring at his shaking hands for a moment before he broke out in tears burring his face in them. He was wrecked by his sobs crying Suki’s name.

Azula’s flame has died at the second Sokka was up and she noticed that she was trembling as heavy as the crying man in the bed in front of her.

She shouldn’t have witnessed this.

The former Princess sneaked back to the door as best as her wobbly knees made it possible but to her luck Sokka was way too deep in his desperation to notice her retreat. Cold shivers were running down her spine as she was finally back in the safety of the corridor.

“It should have been me...”

Sokka’s words let her mind run blank. Against her better judgment she risked a last look in the dark room. She could barely see Sokka’s frame on the bed but the man seem to press his face against his fists hitting his forehead with it from time to time. Loathing was in his voice again as he repeated the words to himself.

“It should have been me.”

More choked out sobs filled the dark cell and Azula retreated from this place of misery to her own room. She was sitting on her bed again as she finally noticed wet lines on her cheek. She wiped with her hands over her face feeling hot tears on the back of her hand. The Firebender looked in confusion at her hand and then up to the covered mirror.

She was up with wobbly knees and shambled over to the mirror resting a hand on the cover. Her breath was fast and heavy and she felt herself jerking some time in hesitation but finally she lifted the cover…

Her reflection stared back at her.

Her hair a little ruffled but framing her face perfectly. She noticed the trembling woman she was who was looking at her with a faint red framing the golden orbs.

Azula looked shaken.

Shaken by a peasant.

Her instinct told her to cover the mirror but she forced herself to watch her pathetic sight.

So fragile.

Defeated.

Mocked.

Humiliated.

Pitied.

Abandoned.

A failure.

Her breath was ragged and waves of loathing and shame were washing over her as she observed her reflection, noticing detail after detail of her weakness.

And finally she noticed another person in the background watching her with a painful look. It has been a long time since Azula had seen this face. This face full of false pain and worries.

“You should be happy.”

Azula’s voice was dipping of sarcasm but also filled with frustration.

“We all get what we deserve in the end.”

The Firebender saw a wave of pain rushing over the woman’s face who seem to sit on her bed. She knew she would be gone as soon as she would turn around so she kept watching at the mirror. Ursa sighed in sadness and stood up but hesitated to walk towards Azula.

“You don’t deserve this my dear.”

Azula huffed in anger but she felt new tears coming to her eyes.

“Don’t I? You always feared me, you always knew the monster I am. Finally the monster is where it should be so your mission is over. You can go.”

Ursa seem to take a deep breath and dared to walk towards Azula. She reached out a hand but stopped and closed her eyes in pain.

“I never thought you deserve any of this Azula.”

Her words brought more tears to Azula’s eyes but she kept staring at the mirror. She wanted to scream at her mother but she had learned that this wouldn’t shy her away. Ursa looked in pain at her daughter but her voice was filled with love and warmth.

“And Sokka seems to think the same way too.”

Azula felt her anger bubbling up again but with it was also these mortifying weakness and desperation. It seemed that Ursa could feel it too cause she finally dared to lay a hand on Azula’s shoulder.

“So why do you think you deserve all this misery?”

Azula’s instinct told her to throw fire at her mother. She wanted to grab the wrist and break the hand which seem to rest on her shoulder but she knew Ursa would be gone the moment she would turn around. She could break this mirror to force her out of her room, out of her life again but this wouldn’t shy her away.

Ursa would wait.

She has waited for years and she was here as expected as Azula has lifted the cover of the big mirror.  
Moments passed and Azula used all her will to level her breath with closed eyes. She had hoped for a moment that her mother would be gone as she opened them again, but she could still feel her hand resting on her shoulder and the reflection showed her still standing behind Azula with this worried face.

“Leave.”

Azula’s voice was cold but trembling. She noticed the sadness rushing over Ursa’s face but something unusual happened.

Ursa nodded.

Azula felt the hand letting go her shoulder and Ursa took a long painful look at Azula but obeyed her daughter’s wish and walked out of the part of the room the mirror was reflecting. Ursa was gone as Azula finally dared to turn around and she didn’t return as she looked back at the mirror.

The Firebender covered the object again and walked back to her bed. She let herself fall on it and exhaustion crawled over her. Azula felt herself drifting into a slumber while Ursa’s last question wandering in her head.


	11. What We Deserve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. Probably last update for this week. More chapters will come next one along with my works for the Azulaweek. I wish all of you a lot of fun with this new chapter.

Sokka was beyond nervous as doctor Kujing entered the block. The man had decided to make his quick visit after breakfast and Azula had been in a strange mood as he had seen her briefly this morning. He has also slept poorly due to his nightmares and he wasn’t sure how this visit would end.

But the man kept word.

He was alone and he let Sokka show him all the rooms starting with the bath and facilities, then the library and trainings room and finally a short visit at Sokka’s room. He had asked about Sokka’s and Azula’s daily routine and has made some notes but beside a slight astonishment he hasn’t lost a judging comment about this new situation down here. Now both were standing before Azula’s room and Sokka could feel an uncomfortable prickle on his spine. He hesitated a moment before he took a deep breath to knock at the door.

“You may come in.”

Sokka prepared himself to take the fireball he was somehow expecting but the sight both men witnessed as the warrior opened the door let them gasp in surprise.

Azula was standing before the uncovered mirror and was correcting the fit of her robe with some last tugs on it. Her outfit, a silken kimono, and make-up was perfect still she checked it a last time until she turned to Sokka and Kujing. She bowed a little with a smile on her lips.

“I am sorry but it has been a while since I got the chance to prepare myself for visitors. Normally the staff has been so kind to do the preparations so I am a bit rusty. I hope my appearance is acceptable.”

She took the blue ribbon from her make-up table and presented it to Sokka.

“I hadn’t the time to finish my hair, Sokka may you give me a hand, please?”

Kujing couldn’t suppress another gasp at these words, Sokka was still staring in confusion but was able to compose himself a bit more. He walked over to Azula noticing the little smirk around her lips as she handed him the ribbon and turned to the mirror to watch him forming her bangles and binding the rest of her hair to the topknot she was used to wear. She checked her look a last time and nodded in approval to her reflection.

“Perfect, thank you Sokka.”

She gave him the warmest smile the warrior had ever seen from her before she turned back to the doctor. Kujing was still staring in disbelief at Azula, who was pulling a chair back from her table to offer it to the doctor.

“I know you’ve only planned a brief check-up today but may I offer you a seat?”

The kind words let the man snap out of his stasis.

“What… oh… no thank you.”

It was tickling Sokka’s amusement to see the open confusion of the man, who was now correcting his robe to compose himself.

“I have promised just to make a short visit and so far I don’t plan to change this fact unless you would ask me to stay for a talk.”

Azula seemed to think about this offer for a moment, but finally she shook her head with a smile.

“No, I don’t want to steal your time doctor Kujing, I’m sure you have a tough schedule”

She took a little break and her face got serious.

“Maybe another time.”

Kujing nodded and this time he smiled a bit.

“You can call for me any time you want. I will redo such visits once a week to check up on you.”

He bowed before Azula and Sokka and turned to leave after Azula had returned the bow. He was at the door as Azula’s voice made him stop.

“Would it be okay to ask for some tea and a snack or two for Sokka and me?”

She turned to Sokka who still seem to have problems to progress what was happening here with her warm smile returning to her lips. Kojing’s eyes wandered from Azula to Sokka and back and he raised an eyebrow but smiled back and nodded.

“Of course. I’ll send someone to you immediately.”

Azula bowed again and took place on the chair she had offered Kujing before.

“And it would be nice of you to send a good bed and fresh sheets for Sokka, he has ripped the old ones in sleep.”

The warrior cringed at her words and noticed the observing look of the former Princess resting on him.

“I have no clue why he has chosen to live in this hellhole which has been my cell before and seems to prefer to stay in this misery it offers to its inhabitant, but he doesn’t need to sleep in ragged sheets. Maybe a good sleep would bring back his appetite so he would finally start to eat proper.”

The Firebender didn’t turn around but she could feel the frown on the doctors face as he murmured to take care of it as fast as possible before he left the block. Her golden orbs were focused on Sokka who was staring back at her with his blue ones. Finally he shook his head and was about to leave but Azula’s sharp voice made him freeze on spot.

“You. Take a seat peasant.”

Sokka remained standing beside her avoiding her look. Azula had crossed her arms before her chest and was looking at the free chair at her table.

“Now peasant.”

Sokka sighed and walked to the free chair taking seat staring at Azula with an empty look. The former Princess leaned forward and pressed her fingertips together, her elbows resting on the table. Her chin was placed on her thumbs and she observed Sokka in silence for a while before she nodded a little.

“Okay I’m listening. You want to give me a chance to escape so I’m willing to play this game as long as it’ll take to convince this man to offer me one. He’s not dumb so it’ll take time, but as you lined out I’ll need your assistance and a dead man is no help so tell me, why are you here peasant.”

Sokka kept staring at the table with dead eyes so Azula continued.

“You wrap yourself in misery, starving yourself, risking your life blindly with one stupid move after another. My patience is running low and I promise you’re a fool if you really believe I couldn’t kill you any time if you keep on mocking me with your bath in your own misery.”

She could see his lips jerking. He suddenly jumped up and was rushing to the door but Azula was much faster and she had kicked his legs away faster than he could react. It was obvious that she had regained strength and precision during the last days and his lack of food and sleep was now taking its toll. She had pinned him down painfully a burning flame near his throat.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t grant your death wish peasant.”

Sokka’s blue eyes were facing her golden ones and a warm smile came to his lips which let Azula frown in confusion.

“Because it would be what everyone is expecting from you. Even me. But you can do better. You deserve better. You are better. As much as I deserve all this suffer.”

Azula felt a prickle in her eyes and her breath was heavy but finally she got off from Sokka staring at the man who was still lying on the ground.

“You have no idea what I deserve or not. Not you, not mother, not Zuzu, none of you.”

Sokka watched at her in surprise and suddenly started a bitter laugh which was driving the rage back to Azula.

“Stop it peasant!”

But Sokka’s laughter went on.

“And again my instincts fooled me. I thought you could stay strong because you still saw hope. Hope for wrong goals, but at least hope. But you seek punishment. You believe you deserve this misery like I do.”

“STOP IT!!!”

A fireball exploded beside Sokka smoldering his robes and the warrior had to beat the leaking flames out. He was up fast facing a painting Azula who had pure murder in her eyes. His smile was gone and she saw shock and pain in his face.

How could he dare to do this to her, to mock her and to rub salt in every wound on her soul. He knew nothing about her reasons, absolutely nothing. She was about to throw a blast of fire at his whiny presence as he jumped forward to catch her arm half the way but instead of a strike she felt him pulling her close to his chest.

Azula stiffened and was trembling her hands stretched out behind Sokka’s back as the man hugged her tight, the flames still dancing wild on her palms. She still could smell the scent of the burned fabric in her nose but she felt his breath at her ear.

“I’m sorry Azula, but you’re wrong. You don’t deserve this.”

Azula hated him. She hated him with every fiber of her body cause she felt her guard crumbling and finally she let her flames die and dared to lay her hands on his back. She could feel her sobs coming to her but she also felt Sokka tighten his grip around her like he was trying to protect her from any harm.

And so she cried in his arms.

She had no idea how long they have stand together but finally she pushed him a way still with tears in her eyes but also Sokka’s were red as well.

“How could you dare peasant to do this to me? You had no right. No. Right.”

She was slamming her fists at Sokka’s chest. She could see the pain in his face and noticed how it seemed that her desperation was the reason for his misery. He caught her wrists one by one facing her look with his own full of worries and sorrows.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Azula felt more tears rolling down her cheeks smearing her make-up she had done so carefully before.

“You’ll pay for that peasant.”

It was a tear-soaked whisper and Sokka simply nodded before he let go of her wrists. Azula took a deep breath and wiped away make-up and tears with her robe.

“Get the food and the tea peasant. “

Sokka nodded again and was about to leave the room as Azula cold voice made him stop in motion.

“You’ll eat with me from now on.”

He turned back and faced a dangerous glare from the Firebender.

“You’ll have to learn a lot to accept life’s punishment for being a failure peasant so starving to death isn’t an option. You won’t get the easy pass from me, no exit to escape your pain cause there is none. You want to live with your misery than you must learn to deal with it, to embrace it, to learn to push your own limit further every day so you can face the new one.”

The temperature within the room seem to have dropped to some degree and Sokka was shocked by her cold determination.

“You think you can deal with pain? Well, we will see peasant, we will see.”


	12. Let The Games Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. Like I've announced at my last work for the Azulaweek I'll finish this one before my break cause I hate it to leave loose strings left. There are still some chapters to come but I'll try and see to get this one finished soon to have some time off to handle my motivation issues I have mentioned. Luckily I have lined out how the story should go on since some time... Anyway, I wish all of you some fun with this new chapter.
> 
> Sorry, but the chapter slipped me and I reposted the last one first cause this is a shorter one and some sort of transition. Here now the correct chapter and thanks to Crow Jones for giving me a little nudge to notice the mistake.

Azula gave Sokka time to process this new change until the snacks arrived. The former Princess was adamant about forcing Sokka to eat proper by refusing to eat for herself as long as the warrior denied his own food. It was confusing for her to see that the man willingly would starve himself but the simple threat to join him in his denial of food was enough to convince him to eat even if his appetite keeps lacking. It was a silent meal but as Sokka had finished his plate and started to clean the table he got stopped by Azula who nodded at his chair to make him seat again.

The Princess observed him pensively. His face was more bony than back at the day he has entered her cell. She had seen him smile less during the last week and he had also been quieter. No matter which spark or demon has fueled his energy to join her down here, this flame was about to die and it was sending a strange tickle down Azula’s spine. Finally the former Princess leaned back in her chair crossing her arms before her chest.

“You still want to learn how to live with such pain, peasant?”

Sokka managed a weak nod but avoided her look. Azula’s eyes narrowed in response.

“Fine, so here is your first lesson. People will say you don’t deserve this pain. They are wrong. You deserve all of it. All you can get. All you will get and so much more.”

Sokka faced Azula’s look with shock and for some time he scanned her golden eyes as pensive as she did with his blue ones but finally a wave of pain and shame washed over his face and he turned away from her. It elicited a sarcastic snort from Azula.

“If this lesson is already too hard for you than better get out of here and stop wasting my time peasant.”

Sokka turned back to her with a harsh move of his head and anger was burning for a moment in his eyes but he drove it away with a deep breath. It brought a smirk to Azula’s lips.

“It’s the hardest lesson but the most important one. You cannot handle the others without accepting this fact. You deserve this pain. Accept it so you can live with it otherwise all you attempts will be futile.”

Sokka took a deep breath and for a moment she could see the pain again and it let her own anger flickering up again. Her voice gained a dangerous edge.

“Cause otherwise you’ll fall for pathetic pity like you have for me peasant!”

She could see her words hitting Sokka hard which let a smile grow on her lips and she leaned forward to him.

“You’ll be surrounded by fools who think they could ease your pain, who think they could make it go away, but that’s a lie.”

Azula felt her anger and frustration simmering under the surface and her face darkened a bit.

“They’ll try to drown you in their sweetness and understanding only to comfort you and for what?”

She closed her eyes in bitterness and her voice got a dark whisper.

“In best case they only offer empty promises and in worst case… they succeed.”

Sokka’s eyes jumped wide open in surprise and he stared at Azula with a lack of understanding but the former Princess was focused on the table with a hurt glow in her eyes.

“I know you wouldn’t understand. You cannot understand as long as you won’t accept the first lesson.”

Azula closed her eyes again for a moment but then she simply stretched herself a bit an yawned.

“That’s enough for today, I’m tired peasant. We’ll continue the lessons as soon as you’ve accepted and understood the first lesson. Now clean up and leave me alone.”

She stood up and walked towards her door to leave her room towards the library as Sokka’s voice made her stop.

“Because it’s easier to get used to a permanent pain.”

Azula stared at Sokka with open mouth. The warrior faced her look with a dark glow in his eyes.

“Correct, isn’t it?”

The bitterness in his face was like a heavy stone on Azula’s chest but she withstood the sad blue eyes of the man.

“The pain will always strike back so it’s easier to get used to a permanent pain than to take hits over and over again. It’s easier to accept a permanent oozing wound than to let your cuts get healed only to feel how another one rips them open over and over again.”

Sokka stood up and the pain in his look was so strong but he forced them out of his expression with deep breaths as he collected the dishes and passed Azula. He gave her a last look and sighed.

“It’s easier to give up hope than to get kicked every day as long as you hold a grip on it.”

Azula swallowed hard and nodded. Her voice was a bitter whisper and she fought the hot prickle in her eyes to keep the tears hidden which tried to break free.

“You learn fast, peasant.”

Sokka nodded.

“I have to.”

He left the room without another word leaving a shivering Azula behind. The Princess was confused. She should be happy with this change. She should be happy that she seem to have found a student which would learn fast. She should be happy to have the chance to get rid of his whiny presence soon.

But there was this strange unpleasant feeling which kept creeping back. A whisper of doubt which shouldn’t be there.

Azula shook her head and made her way to her library. Maybe a book would help her forget this shameful sign of weakness.


	13. Hurting And Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the other chapter has been a short one more for transistion I've decided to publish a second one today.
> 
> Warning! Kind of self-harm and talking about self-harm within this chapter

Azula didn’t continue to teach Sokka a new lesson for the next days. She kept observing the man and ordered him to be more around so she got a chance to check if he really has understood the lesson.

And it seemed so.

He was even quieter than the days before and followed her orders in silence and has stopped any tries to lift Azula’s mood like he has done before. Since he has finished the last painting work in the rooms Sokka was like a ghost in the background only waiting to be summoned by her.

Only a little nod as a greeting instead of a smile.

No comments about ordered food.

No angry look at her when she blessed him with a provoking comment.

He took all of this in silence. But Azula noticed that he was struggling. His mask was fading at moments when he thought she wasn’t observing him. She could see him wiping his eyes sometimes to dry his tears, she noticed the sadness flickering in it when he acknowledged one of her wishes or when he greeted her.

And Azula noticed that this behavior started to annoy her in a strange way. It was somehow even worse than his little joy and enthusiasm he once had shown with his stupid ideas to make her feeling better. He had stopped trying to do so and simply waited for her orders. He was functioning nothing more and to Azula’s confusion this behavior made her feel uneasy in a concerning way.

She wanted to get rid of these weak and disturbing emotions which kept bothering her but she wasn’t sure how until her morning kata. She was right in the middle of it as she decided to give her idea a try. She stopped her training and called for the warrior who showed up within seconds in silence. His emotionless face made Azula’s stomach lurch a bit and she cursed herself silently for these strange feeling which had become worse during the last days.

“Hit me.”

Azula’s order caught Sokka off guard and for the first time since days he lost control over his face. He stared at her like she had ordered him to fly a loop. His baffled look brought a comfortable tickle to her stomach and Azula crossed her arms and smirked.

“Come on. I know you want to give me a trashing. Hit me.”

Sokka took a step back from Azula and fear and confusion was in his face.

“No, I won’t hit you.”

Azula rolled her eyes with a groan.

“Why not? Because I’m a woman?”

Sokka’s eyes flickered in anger and he straightened up.

“No, because I have no reason and your order is no reason for me, Azula.”

Azula’s smile returned and Sokka seemed to notice the dangerous glow in her golden eyes.

“It better should be peasant. You don’t want me to search for a better one.”

Her excitement was growing as much as the worries in Sokka’s face. Azula jumped forward striking precisely towards Sokka’s head. The man got his guards up instantly blocking and dodging Azula’s strikes and kicks while he tried to bring a trainings puppet between himself and the attacking Princess. But Azula was faster and pinned one of his arms between herself and the puppet and landed a painful hit in Sokka’s stomach. The man stumbled and another kick sent him at a wall. The labored huff of the man as he hit the iron let Azula’s grin grow wider.

“Enough motivation, peasant?”

Sokka glared at her and the former Princess noticed the growing anger in his eyes with satisfaction. She lanced forward testing his guards again with hard strikes but she offered him openings on purpose to lure him out of his defense. The excitement was bubbling up as she recognized him changing his stance. His attack came fast but it still lacked the ultimate will to get her and Azula had seen it coming. She laughed as she ducked away under his fist, blocking his arm with hand and her own shoulder. She used his momentum to push him back a bit and hit him with three fast kicks in stomach and chest using her last one to push him painfully at the other wall. Sokka had to go down on his knees coughing and gasping for air.

Azula started to laugh at him, crossing her hands behind her back as she got closer to the panting man. She noticed the glowing anger and frustration radiating from him, but she hadn’t reached her goal yet.

“Pathetic. Your sister may be a witch but she has fire when fighting.”

Sokka made fists in anger but still she could feel his hesitation. Her smirk grew as she bowed down a bit to mock him even more. She brought her hand to his chin and lifted his head up to face his dangerously glowing eyes.

“Even your little Kyoshi fan girl is more a fighter than you. She has at least tried before I had thrown her in chains.”

Azula saw how his eyes caught fire in pure rage. She was sure it would shove him over the edge but she hadn’t expected this level of rage and hate at her quote and she hadn’t expected him to be so quick. Her try to block his sudden strike failed to some degree. The impact of his fist was so hard that he pushed her own against her face as well. The hot pain got mixed with the taste of copper and iron as her lip cut open instantly and it was pure instinct and years of training that she didn’t topple. Two other strikes tore her guards down and another hit pressed the air out of her lungs. She felt her legs gave away but used the momentum to strike at Sokka’s legs while getting down. His blind rage let him miss her strike so Azula was able to get him off his feet and he fell down beside her landing face down with an painful gasp. Azula’s sight had lost some color and she could feel the pains luring her to take a rest in blackness, but she shook off the urge to give away and straddled Sokka’s back behind his waist, turning his arm up to his neck. He was about to buckle as she dislocated his pinky by ripping it down to the wrist with a quick move. His painful scream turned into tortured whimpers as he tried to free his hand from Azula’s grip but his resistance was broken. Azula used the break to catch her own breath and to spit out the blood which keeps flowing strong out of her cut bottom lip. She increased the pressure on Sokka’s arm as she bowed down to his ear.

“Second lesson. People will hurt you. Some on purpose, some on accident. When pain becomes unbearable, when tension gets too strong you need to vent or to focus on a pain you can get a grip on and sometimes both.”

Azula let go off his arm and stood up. She faced the hateful glare of Sokka and wiped with a hiss the blood from her lip. The woman hesitated a moment but then she offered him a hand to stand up. Sokka observed her hand a moment but he stood up without taking her offer. Azula frowned for a moment cause she felt a little sting at his rejection but finally she retreated her hand and shrugged shoulders. She walked to her towel and pressed it against her bleeding lip. She was starting to mumble because of the growing swelling.

“When the pain is strong enough, then it can cover the pain inside of you. You can focus on it to forget the other. You have a wound, a cut, a bruise or anything else you can see, you can treat and you can observe healing.”

The painful moan from Sokka told her that the man had relocated his pinky while she tried to slow down the bleeding.

“So you provoke a fight to feel a pain you can control. A wound which could heal and go away.”

Azula raised an eyebrow and turned to Sokka. The man was hissing a bit in pain as he looked at his hand and checked the movements of his fingers.

“It’s a side effect. It also gives my anger a target. They hurt me, I hurt them. It kept me busy and when you have accept the fact that you deserve the pain it becomes easier.”

It surprised her as the warrior walked to her and took the towel out of her hand to check the cut. He was struggling but she saw this ridiculous pain in his eyes again but whether it was his own pains or the fact that he started to adapt, he’s got better at hiding it.

“This needs to be stitched.”

He hesitated a moment, but then he faced her golden eyes with his blue ones.

“Why do you think you deserve it, Azula?

Her face darkened and she took the towel out of Sokka’s hand to press it at her lip again but she refused an answer. Sokka bit his lip and nodded in understanding. He walked towards the door to leave the room but stopped halfway.

“And what should I do if I’m sure I should be the target of my anger and not you?”

Azula remained quiet and avoided his questioning look. She could feel this uncomfortable cramping in her stomach at his question and she pressed the towel harder at her lip which elicited another painful hiss from her. Sokka waited some moments before he released a bitter sigh.

“I don’t understand why you’re angry with yourself, Azula.”

The Firebender stiffened at Sokka’s quote and stared with widened eyes at the man for a second until her look hardened.

“Better get someone for my lip and keep your nose out of my business.”

She could see how her words hit the tall man. Grief washed over him for a moment and he turned away quickly to hide it.

“Maybe you’re right. The last time I cared too much...”

His voice broke and Azula couldn’t help but feel a painful sting in her chest.

“I get a physician.”

He stormed out of the trainings room while he started to hold his ribcage, leaving a pale Azula behind. The Firebender stared at her trembling hands and noticed her heavy breath. The uncomfortable choking feeling was back in her chest much worse than all days before. Her plan to get rid of these disturbing emotions has failed. His retreat has only increased this knotting feeling in her guts and this shameful tickle under her skin.

Why did he cared for her?

Why did he wanted to help her leaving this misery?

And why did she started to feel uncomfortable about him growing harder and more distant?

Why did she started to miss his former annoying and naive tries to pamper her?

Why did she started to care how he felt?

Azula felt her knees getting soft again and she had to take seat on the floor trembling in shock and anger.

It couldn’t be true.

It shouldn’t be true.

She felt the towel catching fire in her hand and she threw it away in anger.

How could he dare to make her feel this way.


	14. The Source

A shocked female shriek ripped Azula out of her thoughts. She heard Sokka arguing and was about to stand up as a splash of water rushed through the door. The power of the blow pinned her at a wall where the water turned to ice instantly. She was about to heat up a flame to free herself as an sharp icicle got pressed at her throat. The coldness was as deadly as the blue eyes of Katara who had entered the trainings room and the voice of the Waterbender was as sharp as the icicle she was pressing at Azula’s neck with her bending.

“Give me one reason.”

“Katara...”

Sokka was entering the room and Azula noticed the tears in his eyes. He was holding his ribcage and his breath seemed to be a little labored.

Katara didn’t turn around but her look was burning in cold rage.

“Katara we only sparred a little.”

His sister released an angry huff and Azula couldn’t suppress a snicker. She felt the pressure of the icicle increasing and rolled her eyes. It only fueled Katara’s fury.

“Sparring? SPARRING? Sokka she has broken you two ribs.”

His sister turned to him with open rage but her anger got replaced by pain and worries as she noticed his dark face.

“She had all the right to do so. I deserved it.”

Azula’s jaw dropped and she felt her stomach lurch. She had expected a stupid excuse and an abstruse explanation for it but this was not like Sokka and Katara had noticed it instantly. She stared at her brother in pain and disbelief. Azula was about to close her mouth as the cold ice which was pinning her at the wall started to get colder. She could feel how a merciless pressure was about to build up and the deadly glare of Sokka’s sister was all she needed to know. She would let her pay here and now. The Firebender gasped in pain and readied herself for the blow.

“Do you like to add another body to your list?”

It was like a punch in the guts. Katara froze in motion and her face got pale. Azula stared in open shock and confusion at Sokka who had delivered this punch with an emotionless face. He had leaned himself at the frame of the doorway and was staring at his sister with dead eyes. The Waterbender was trembling heavy as she turned back to her brother while tears were filling her eyes.

“Sokka…?”

But Sokka’s look remained cold and distant.

“It’s your fault like it is mine, Katara.”

Katara stumbled and the ice which has pinned Azula at the wall melted. The Firebender fell down and took some deep breaths to warm herself up a bit but it couldn’t stop the shiver which kept running down her spine as she watched the siblings. Katara’s tears were running strong and she stared in total shock and disbelief at her brother who was staring back at her with cold eyes.

“You… I know you’re grieving, but you...”

Sokka huffed a bit and a bitter smile was on his lips.

“Oh I know exactly what I did and what you did not.”

Azula took a careful step back from the siblings. She could see Sokka’s anger and bitterness leaking out in his voice. Katara’s tears run stronger as Sokka took a step towards her towering his sister.

“You lied to me about her state of health, Katara. You said everything was fine. You went on this trip with Aang.”

His voice was growling dangerously as he reached his sister.

“YOU WASN’T THERE AS SHE NEEDED YOU, KATARA!!!”

The Waterbender pressed her hands before her mouth to muffle her sobs as she fell down on her knees shaken by shock and grief. Sokka’s hateful scream had shocked Azula as well. She had cringed at the rage and bitterness in his voice. The man ran his shaking hand through his hair and took a deep breath to calm himself down a bit.

“I have brought this upon her, but you’ve doomed her by lying to me. You wasn’t there as she fought for their lives, for my life. You wasn’t there as we needed you. You killed her too Katara. You. Killed. Her.”

Katara’s sobs turned into wrecking ones and Azula had to take a seat on the ground as well. The grief and sadness was choking, thick and heavy and it came crushing down on Sokka and Katara.

He got down on his knees as well to level his face with Katara’s and pain was in his eyes before he managed to shake off this expression.

“So you owe me something.”

His sister stopped crying but her face was filled with shock and fear before this unknown coldness of her brother. Sokka looked at Azula and the former Princess felt a painful sting in her heart.

“You’ll heal her cut and then you’ll leave cause I’m sick of the lies you keep telling to me and to yourself. Suki is gone and it is my fault and noting can ever ease this pain. I’ll stay here until I find out how to live with this guilt so go and find your way for it, but spare me your sweet lies cause I don’t want to hear them anymore.”

The silence which followed was louder than Sokka’s scream before. Katara’s eyes were red cried and she tried to touch her brother with shaking hands but he only pushed her arm aside and stood up turning towards the door.

“I’ll go and see a physician for my ribcage, you’ll be gone when I’m back Katara and Azula will be healed and untouched.”

He stopped in the doorway and gave Azula a cold look.

“Lesson three learned as well I think. I hope I haven’t ruined your teaching plans for me.”

He left Azula and Katara behind, together with a room filled with shock, grief and the realization that something has gone completely wrong.


	15. Heart Of A Monster

Azula felt empty and sick. She hasn’t dared to stand up from her place cause she truly expected to meet a frozen death as soon as she would try to move. Katara was a sobbing wreck in the middle of the trainings room. She had a true emotional meltdown as Sokka had left the women behind but her tortured cries were now only whimpered sobs still each one burned like stings in Azula’s guts.

The Firebender hated to be witness of her pains and raw emotions. Her instinct told her she shouldn’t see this and every second only made it worse but she couldn’t leave her behind. Part of it was the fear that she would slice her in half as soon as Katara would realize her presence again but at the other part she couldn’t place the finger on it. Something of this scene was far too familiar to her and she wouldn’t dare to stir up this memories.

“Are you happy now?”

The tear-soaked whisper sounded so empty. It made Azula frown but Katara was still on the floor cloaked in her misery and facing her hands. More old memories flashed before Azula’s eyes. She saw visions of her brother and of the water witch looking at her in pity. It was instantly gnawing at her own weak guards and the Firebender shook her head like it would drive away the memory.

“How does it feel to see me broken, Azula? To see my life slipping through my hands and to see me crumble and drown in my desperation. Is revenge as sweet as you’ve hoped? Cause you made it. You’ve stolen my brother from me. From all of us.”

Azula had expected a growing rage at the Waterbender but there was nothing.

Only pain.

Only defeat.

The former Princess started to chew on her cheek. She didn’t feel like she had won. She felt no triumph no satisfaction. Katara finally lifted her head to scrutinize Azula. Her blue eyes were swollen. It was only increasing this uncomfortable choking feeling in Azula’s throat and so she crossed her arms before her chest and turned away.

“Would it matter anyway, peasant?”

Katara took a sharp breath but she kept scanning Azula from head to toe and irritation flickered over her face. Finally she stood up and walked over to the Firebender, but her caution was notable.

“It should matter for you.”

Azula couldn’t stop herself to take a sarcastic huff, regretting it instantly at the sharp sting at her lip. She noticed a blue glow beside her and flinched, ready to defend herself but Katara was faster and got her frozen again with some ice but instead of an attack she started to check Azula for injuries, still she wasn’t gentle.

“It would matter for Sokka, maybe.”

Azula’s eyes jumped wide open and she cursed herself for this lack of control cause Katara had noticed it instantly and surprise rushed over her face. It let the expression of the former Princess darken.

“Bad luck for him. I haven’t invited him down here.”

A sharp tickle in her chest let her huff in pain and she could see a grim but satisfied smile from Katara. Sokka obviously had cracked one of her ribs as well. The cold prickle got more intense, but as soon as it started to become unbearable if faded and Katara moved on to Azula’s lip. The Waterbender frowned a bit.

“This will take a moment. Hold still and don’t speak unless you prefer a scar.”

Azula suppressed the gasp as Katara dared to melt the ice away which had hold her in place. The Waterbender started to work on her lips. It was more than uncomfortable but this time it seemed that Sokka’s sister took more care of keeping the painful prickles and stinging sensations in bay.

“None of us really know why he choose to stay here.”

Azula suppressed the urge to slip around her seat on the floor. Katara was highly focused to repair the cut. Her voice was bitter.

“All he said was he wants to try to fix a big mistake.”

Azula had to focus not to gasp in shock but Katara’s blue eyes flickered in surprise for a moment. The prickle at Azula’s lip faded and the Waterbender took a last look at her work. Her face hardened again and the sound of her voice got a dangerous edge.

“What kind of lesson was my brother talking about, Azula?”

The former Princess touched her fresh healed lip carefully. The cut was gone and so she licked away the rests of her own blood but her tries to drive Katara out of the room with her silence was futile, so she finally answered with an surprisingly empty voice.

“Lesson three… Keeping people on distance so you don’t have to listen to their lies and pity.”

Katara stared in shock and rage at Azula, who only turned away. The Firebender didn’t feel like enjoying the hit. She only felt like she had hit herself again.

“You… You dare to turn him into… “

Katara was stammering in pure shock and rage. It was fueling Azula’s own anger and it was too much to choke it down this time. She turned back to Sokka’s sister and facing the hateful glare with her own burning eyes.

“I dare to show him how I survive this mess every day, but _I_ don’t turn him into anything! _He_ chose to come down here. _He_ chose to stay here! _He_ chose to learn my way to handle my pain and he learns surprisingly fast cause _I_ haven’t taught him this lesson! _He_ found it out on his own.”

Katara was trembling in pure hate and loathing. She looked like she was about to murder Azula any moment… and part of Azula had wished she would have done so cause her words cut deeper than any strike of her would have done.

“How could you, Azula? He came down here to help you and only spirits know why and you tear him apart from this warm, caring and joyful person he was. You’re a monster.”

The following silence was like a heavy hammer hitting both women, but they kept staring at each other with cold rage. Azula felt her ragged breath and her rapidly heaving chest. She wasn’t able to stop her eyes from watering, but she could level her tears so they couldn’t start to roll down her cheeks. She bit her fresh healed lip for a moment and pressed her eyelids together lowering her head in bitterness.

“You’re right. I’m a monster. Mother knew it all her life. Father as well but at least he had a use for the monster I am, but no one else has. I should be thankful that my brother has only hunt me down to cage me away as the wild animal I am and hasn’t placed my head above the gates of the Palace as his ultimate trophy. No one loves a monster and I don’t know why your brother of all people in the world finally has found a use for me, but as the monster I am I haven’t complained. Monsters must take what they get. It’s their nature.”

She opened her eyes and her dangerous, dark golden glow met a shocked and sad flicker in Katara’s blue ones, very similar to the one she had seen in Sokka’s eyes so many times during the last weeks.

“And so it is mine.”

Azula felt her heart crack and ache at her own words, but she held her head up high as she passed the trembling Waterbender to leave the room.

“But Sokka isn’t a monster.”

Katara’s words let Azula freeze in the doorway. She had to take a grip at the frame to keep her composed. There was an unexpected desperation in Katara’s voice.

“And… And you aren’t a monster as well.”

Azula’s jaw dropped. An screaming urge tried to convince her to turn back to the Waterbender, but she suppressed this feeling and stared at the floor of the corridor in front of her. Katara’s voice was teary again as she continued speaking to Azula.

“I know Sokka. He wouldn’t be here if he would think of you the way you do about yourself. He… He doesn’t think you’re a monster, I’m sure. And I always could trust Sokka’s instinct. So please...”

Katara’s voice started to break and drown in her tears.

“Please, don’t turn my brother into a creature none of you are.”

It was like someone would turn Azula’s stomach upside down. She noticed her knuckles have turned white while she pressed her fingers at the frame of the door. Her voice was cold and empty as she finally answered.

“You better leave before your brother returns.”

Azula left Katara behind and rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. It was there when she finally allowed her sobs to wreck her while she slid down to the floor with her back still pressed against the iron door burring both hands in her hair and clenching them to fists.

No one cares for a monster.

No one loves a monster.

And monsters don’t care, because this is how it should be.

A tear-soaked cry tore free from her throat and she hugged her knees tight to her chest. Pain and hate was rushing in cold and hot waves over Azula. She was falling for these old lies again and it was like she has taught Sokka. It’s only worse when poisoned promises can seep into your mind.

She was a monster and monsters didn’t deserve better.

Monsters have no real feelings otherwise they wouldn’t survive.

But if this was the truth, why did her heart felt like it was shred to pieces right now?


	16. On Hold

The quiet in the complex was unbearable. Azula hasn’t took notice how long she had herself locked in the bath but as she finally dared to leave it Katara was gone.

She was alone.

Again.

Sokka didn’t return this evening. Azula found herself sitting and waiting for him to show up with food like all the time before but hours passed by and the loneliness and the choking silence let an uncomfortable feeling growing stronger. The Firebender tried her best to distract herself but her mind wouldn’t stop wandering back to the events from this morning.

Sokka had probably left her behind. He definitely has learned the vital lessons to survive. Everyone abandoned her sooner or later.

She should be happy cause she had reached her goal. She was alone again. She has taught him well and has also proved him how stupid his idea has been to stay in this misery with her. No one who could hurt her or tell her lies how life could be fine again.

No lies that anyone would care for her.

No lies that she wouldn’t deserve all of this.

No lies that she wasn’t a failure.

Azula nearly dropped the book she was holding in her hand as she heard the main door of the complex getting unlocked. Her heart was hammering in her ears and she tried best to compose herself. It was so irritating why this simple sound was making her so nervous. What was she hoping for, what…

The gentle knock at her door let her heart skip a beat. Azula cursed herself for being so ridiculous weak. It was only a stupid peasant. She took a deep breath.

“You may come in.”

She was about to set up her accusing face for Sokka but the sight of a terrified staff member with her dinner was like a punch in her guts. It was her luck that she was still sitting on her chair otherwise she was sure she would have had to take seat.

The man was trembling badly and tried twice to speak up but failed. Azula released a sigh and nodded at the table.

“You may leave the food. I’m neither in the mood for roasted duck nor for roasted butt, still I might change my mind later so better leave me your favorite option before I choose mine.”

Under normal circumstances it would have been amusing to see even more color fading from the man’s face as he placed the food on the table beside Azula, but this sad and disappointing feeling had drown any sort of amusement this scenery was offering for her. The man bowed nervous and was leaving her room but stopped at the door. He was feeling most uncomfortable, obviously.

“What else? You may keep the desert, just leave me alone.”

Azula’s patience was running low. All these confusing signs of her own weakness was finally letting her anger bubbling up and she wasn’t sure if she could keep this frustration in bay for much longer. The man turned back to her and bowed again.

“I… I’m… I’m sorry, but I also have a message form the ambassador.”

Azula inhaled sharp which let the man flinch and taking a step back from her. She could see the pure panic in his eyes. The former Princess closed her eyes to level her emotions. She had made fists and felt her nails pressing painful in her palms so she focused on this pain. It was easier as trying to control her fear and anger which was roaring in her right now.

“You can keep this as well. I don’t want to hear it. Now leave.”

The man bowed hasty and rushed out of the complex. Azula waited until she heard the main door getting locked again before she dared to release an anguished scream. Her first instinct was to trash the whole furnishing into pieces. Blue fire was dancing dangerously on her palms and she readied herself to blast a shelf into pieces. He would never come back down here. They probably wouldn’t let him after she had hurt him, ambassador or not. And more important he didn’t need her anymore. She had fulfilled her purpose.

Her breath was ragged and she was about to throw the fireball as she noticed the covered mirror.

It was an ridiculous idea.

She wasn’t real.

And she never showed up when asked for.

Only when she felt like she would burst to see her misery.

But on the other hand…

Azula let her flame die and walked to the mirror. She laid her hand on the fabric and closed her eyes.

“You’re here mother, aren’t you? To watch my misery?”

She pulled the fabric off and after some seconds she dared to open her eyes. Azula watched at her pale reflection. She was alone and the bitterness and pain was brining tears back to her eyes.

“Of course. You’re never here when I needed help mother. You never was.”

She turned back and walked to her bed and let herself fall on it, feeling fresh tears coming to her eyes.

“Would you have accepted my help anyway, Azula?”

Azula stopped crying instantly but didn’t dare to turn back to the mirror. This was unexpected.

“You always preferred your own way my dear and in case of council it has always been your father who was your favorite choice.”

Azula sat up and turned back to the mirror. Ursa was sitting beside the firebender’s reflection on the bed with a shy smile but also deep worries in her eyes. Azula turned her head to check the bed beside her, but it was empty. Normally Ursa would be gone when she would look back at the mirror so she kept her look focused on the empty place on her bed.

“This is no excuse for not trying to help me.”

The silence was prove enough for her suspicion. It was as ever. Even her illusion wasn’t here when she needed it. It has been such a silly idea. Lies remain lies even if she was lying to herself.

“He hasn’t left the asylum yet. There is always hope for a new chance.”

Azula’s heart skipped a beat. Ursa’s voice was warm and a bit teary, but the voice was there. The Princess dared to take a look at the mirror again and she could see Ursa still sitting beside her reflection. The vision of her mother had tears in her eyes and she hesitated a moment but finally she dared to stroke the cheek of Azula’s reflection gently. The Princess’s heart stopped for a moment, cause she could almost feel the touch. She pressed her own hand carefully on her cheek and closed her eyes.

“You don’t have to trust me, Azula. Just trust yourself.”

Azula’s eyes jumped wide open. She was up instantly and sprinted out of her room, rushing towards her old cell. She ripped the door open and her heart made a jump.

Sokka’s bag was still there, his clothes and belongings he had taken down here were still there. He hadn’t left her behind so far. There was still a chance he would come down to her again. Azula noticed a teary laughter escaping her mouth. To see his stuff still down here gave her hope. Hope she had never expected. It was ridiculous. This stupid annoying peasant has given her hope.

The annoying and naive one, who has tried everything to make her feel less miserable, who has endured being bossed around.

Her smile faded.

The witch has been right, she had torn him apart from this person during the last weeks. She had replaced this person by the only one she really couldn’t stand since years.

Azula felt a little smile around her lips and a new excitement growing inside as she returned to her quarter. The mirror only showed her own reflection as she entered her room. Ursa was gone. She has been right. They haven’t bound her again so far. They still brought her food and haven’t taken her the freedom Sokka has given her. And his belongings are still here.

Azula took place on the table and started to eat her thoughts wandering around Sokka. This time she had to be more careful. She hasn’t paid enough attention to all the things he has revealed about his reasons, so if she wanted to solve this riddle she had to collect the pieces of the puzzle she already found so far and had to take a look what kind of picture they would reveal to her. It would be a starting point.


	17. Preparations

A whole week.

Azula has never expected to feel so nervous and concerned but she was. She checked her old cell every morning and every evening but Sokka’s belongings remained untouched in the room and so she could keep her hope as well.

Her new temporarily company was a young staff member named Ching. He didn’t stay down here but it seemed he was chosen to be the unlucky one to bring Azula her meals and other things she asked for. It was amusing to see the man sweating nervously every time he showed up but during the week even he started to relax a little bit since Azula didn’t burned him to a crisp like he seemed to have expected. Ching was a Firebender as well, probably to have a chance to escape in case Azula would dare to attack him and he was new at the sanatorium so he hadn’t any contact with her before.

Also doctor Kujing visited her during this week but like last time he did only a brief check-up without mentioning Sokka or why he wasn’t back down here, but she also didn’t dare to bring up this subject. But with every new day she felt more and more restless and since a week has passed she finally took the chance as Ching was making his last visit. The man was taking the used dishes and placed them on a tablet as he was asking his usual question.

“Any last wishes for today?”

Azula was busy with a book she was pretending to read and she kept her Pai Sho face, but she could hear her blood rushing louder through her veins.

“I fact I have. How is the water peasant doing?”

The sounds from Ching clearing the table stopped instantly and it didn’t do her well to face this heavy silence which was filling the room suddenly. Azula felt her patience running lower and she looked up from her book narrowing the nervous man.

“Since his stuff is still in my old cell I assume he’s still here in this institution.”

Ching nodded nervously which let some of Azula’s tension fade instantly but at the same time it made her even more nervous. She placed the book on the table and crossed her arms before her chest, drumming with her fingers on her arm.

“I’m waiting.”

Ching winced a bit and swallowed hard before he answered with a trembling voice.

“The ambassador is still recovering from his injuries. His ribs aren’t healing as fast as hoped and he… refuse to get proper treatment by his sister or any Waterbender at all.”

Azula’s lips got thinner as she pressed them together. The bitter taste in her mouth and the uncomfortable sting in her chest made her angry and obviously she couldn’t hide her anger due to the worried face of Ching.

“Does the water peasant plans to bother me again with his presence?”

Azula was facing the anxious look of the young man. She could see him sweating but she had to admit that he was holding his ground surprisingly well.

“So far he isn’t in the condition to be down here. That’s what the doctor has told him as well.”

A painful sting let Azula’s anger grow, but she expected this explanation to some degree. But it was also a good sign.

“So this snow savage still plans to return.”

It sounded a bit more nervous than Azula has hoped it would, but obviously Ching hasn’t noticed it. He was too busy to keep himself composed. Under normal circumstances his whiny presence would have been a great amusement to Azula, but right now his hesitant behavior and his beating around the bush only fueled her own nervousness and so her anger.

“At least to fetch his belongings in personal, yes.”

The drumming of Azula’s fingers stopped instantly and she couldn’t suppress the sharp breath, which was forcing Ching a step closer to the door. Her voice gained an sharp edge suddenly.

“I’m tired of you dodging my questions. Does Sokka returns here or not.”

Ching swallowed a lump but finally he took a deep breath.

“The ambassador seem to prepare to leave soon. Neither I have detailed information nor am I allowed to read his correspondence, but due to rumors I have heard he seem to be in contact with the Palace lately and with the South Pole. Also the Avatar himself has visited him a few days ago. Last thing I have heard it hasn’t been a nice conversation and the Avatar has left quick again and due to the rumors very concerned and frustrated.”

Azula felt this uncomfortable tickle in her stomach getting worse with every word Ching was speaking. She was staring at the wall beside the door and remained silent as the nervous man finished his report. The silence was back int the room again and only Ching clearing his throat ripped her out of her stare again.

“May… May I leave now or is there anything else you might wish?”

Azula gave him a wave with her hand to send him away and she could hear a sigh of relief. Ching had nearly left the room as he stopped again and took a deep breath. His voice was trembling heavy.

“He… He has asked for you too.”

Azula’s eyes jumped wide open.

“What?”

Ching turned around and nodded nervously.

“All the time. I had to report him how I am treating you. He was concerned the event would take away the freedom he has earned for you. And he was concerned how you would handle his absence.”

Azula was staring at Ching with open mouth. She could feel her heart hammering in her head. Her look seemed to worry the man cause he started to talk again to break this uncomfortable situation.

“He said you kept promise so he wants to keep his own. No mask, no binding.”

Azula closed her mouth. Her tongue felt sticky and she swallowed hard. Her mind was swirling and her emotions did the same. Ching’s face softened suddenly, still it was filled with nervousness.

“I will tell him that you’ve asked for him too, if this is your wish.”

Was it her wish? It was. But he was just an annoying snow savage. But he has helped her. He has asked for her even now.

Azula stood up which let some color leaving the man’s face.

“Do so if you must. I don’t care. But you can tell him that he still has to learn more lessons.”

She ignored the irritated face of the man.

“He’ll know what I mean, now leave me alone.”

Ching bowed hasty and left the complex. Azula took place in the middle of her room in lotus seat to compose herself and to bring her thoughts in line again, which were swirling around in this storm of stirred up emotions.

Why did he wanted to help her so desperately?

Where was the parallel he seem to see?

Was there a parallel at all?

He has refused to answer her questions about his reasons more than once. Revealing the link to his source of guilt only happened on accident and she still had no details, only hints. Azula stood up and left her room. The corridor in front of her seemed to get stretched as she faced the entrance of her old cell. Her feet were heavy and her steps seemed to echo loud in the complex as she walked towards Sokka’s room. 

She hesitated before entering.

She hesitated before his bag.

She hesitated at opening it to browse through his belongings.

It felt so ridiculous. She had have never a problem at browsing other people’s belongings when she was younger. She had done it countless times and has never felt so nervous.

But this time she was.

This time it felt wrong.

The same wrong she has felt as she had witnessed his nightmare.

But she had no choice. Azula needed more information to solve this riddle. She needed something which might force out the whole story from Sokka. Her fingers found a metal object in the bag and stopped instantly.

She took a grip at it and pulled it out of the bag with shaky hands.

Azula knew what she had found even before she could lay eyes on it. It was another prove of Sokka’s loss. An object, which would suit her plan to finally get the full story from him, why he was embracing his misery like she did. He would have to trade his story, the full story to get this back from her.

Azula placed the object on the floor and after a quick search she found the second one as well.

It still felt wrong somehow and it was deeply irritating to Azula that it did, but she was determent to get answers. In the end it might help to show him his own stupidity as well.

The Princess picked up two metal fans from the floor and returned to her own room.


	18. When Love Hurts

It took another week until Azula noticed the sound of the locks at the door, which was separating the complex from the rest of the institution. She was sure that it had to be linked with Sokka, cause Ching only showed up in a perfect timed schedule. Azula was reading in her new private library and her hand instantly checked the fans at her side. The Firebender has taken care that the fans were always at her side.

She was unsure if it was really Sokka until she recognized his steps in the hall and she released a little sigh but the Princess also noticed her heart beating a bit faster. The man passed the hall and disappeared in her old cell.

The silence was heavy and Azula noticed her blood rushing in her ears.

“AZULA…!”

Hate was in Sokka’s voice and she heard him running out of his room. The Firebender returned her focus to the book she was reading. The door of the former cell got ripped open only a moment later and Sokka stormed the room with rage and hate in his face.

“Give them back!”

Azula looked up from her book with a judging annoyed face.

“Manners peasant. We’re not in one of your lousy…”

Sokka ripped the book out of her hands faster than she had anticipated his action. It elicited a surprised and angry gasp from Azula. The blue eyes of the man were burning in rage.

“Give. Them. Back.”

A dangerous smirk came to Azula’s lips as she took one of the fans from her belt and it grew as she noticed the fire in Sokka’s eyes running wilder. He was about to rip the fan out of her hand but this time she was faster and jumped off from her chair with an elegant move. She opened the fan and started to wave it, enjoying the cooling movement of the air in an provocative way.

“Oh you’re talking about the fans.”

Her smile got sinister.

“Sorry, but I thought these were meant to be your parting gift for me. A little piece of kindness for all the good times we had together.”

Sokka ripped the table out of the way and the object crashed into a shelf. Azula dodged his attack but this time it was much harder to avoid his grip. Sokka was determent to get the fans and he didn’t seem to have second thoughts about hurting her or not. Azula wasn’t sure if he had seen a Waterbender or if his anger was pushing the pains aside, but the warrior didn’t seem to be limited by his injury anymore. The Firebender was about to retreat towards the hall, but the warrior was faster and a painful strike threw her back. She lost the fan but tried to recover it instantly. Both met each other in the middle of the room, each one with a hand on the fan and a dangerous fire in their eyes. Sokka didn’t hesitate to strike against her and this fact really caught Azula off guard. The Princess got thrown back into another shelf and Sokka successfully claimed the fan. He was above her before she got a chance to get up, the sharp edge of the opened fan against her throat.

Shock and surprise about the harsh reaction rushed over her face for a second, but then she started to chuckle. For a moment she had hope it would break Sokka’s concentration, but a new cold was in his face which let her laughter die. She scrutinized him as his hands loosened the second fan from her belt and he remained ready to strike as he finally retreated slowly.

“You’ve learned your lesson well, peasant.”

The new respect seem to mock Sokka cause he only huffed a bit while he was retreating towards the door. Her face fell and the Firebender’s voice got weak.

“This was the last one I got for you. When someone tries to use your pain against you, strike back harder.”

Sokka didn’t show any reaction and Azula felt her heart drop. She had expected a little flicker in his eyes, but the look was so cold and distant. Maybe she had miscalculated this time. She was still sitting at the shelf, surrounded by the books and scrolls which have fallen out of it at her impact. Maybe she had to try a different approach. She started to light up a little flame and observed the blue light dancing on her palm.

“They won’t bring you peace, Sokka.”

He kept retreating. The warrior had almost reach the door and Azula could feel her heart beating faster. Tears started to glitter in her eyes.

“Only pain.”

His hand searched for the door.

“Like you said. I deserve all of it.”

The Firebender looked up and she could feel the tears running down her cheeks. He looked so ice-cold at her. So unlike the man who has dared to show up down here weeks ago.

“No you don’t”

It was a whisper and it only earned a sarcastic huff from Sokka while he pushed the door open.

“You taught me better, Azula. These are only lies.”

Azula shook her head.

“I don’t think so.”

She faced his cold blue with her golden orbs.

“You don’t seem to be the one who would kill someone you love.”

Sokka stumbled. The pure shock and pain seemed to take away the floor under his feet and he fell on his butt, staring in shock at Azula. He seemed to expect a smirk or victorious smile, but all he was facing was sadness.

“Tell me Sokka.”

Her look returned to her flickering flame on her palm.

“Tell me why you think you’re responsible, cause I don’t get it. The man who showed up here isn’t a monster who would hurt persons he loves.”

The silence hung heavy between them. Azula refused to face the man again but she could feel her breath being shaky. It was her last chance and with every passing second her worries grew that she has miscalculated to solve the riddle by taking the fans. She may have shoved him over the edge, but might have chosen the wrong one. Maybe he has fallen too deep this time.

“But I do.”

His voice was a whisper. Azula dared to look up only to feel her heart cramping. Sokka’s look was resting painfully at the fans. Azula suppressed the urge to push him further.

“My love hurts other. My care hurts other.”

Tears were running free at him and Azula stood up carefully to walk over to him. She hesitated but finally she took place beside him.

“Sokka, this…”

He looked up and Azula fell quiet. The pain in his face was so intense.

“Mom got killed. I loved her and cared for her and she got killed. Yue died. I fell in love with her and she died. I was ordered to protect her and I failed. She had to sacrifice herself to save the world cause I failed. And Suki…”

His face became a tortured one and he carefully brushed over one of the fans. Azula noticed her chest tightening.

“I love her. She is… she was the love of my life. My fire. We… she got pregnant.”

Azula felt her heart cramping and an most uncomfortable twist in her guts. The pain at Sokka’s face got more intense.

“Everything seemed to be perfect, but I felt something was wrong. Pregnancy was complicated but Katara and Suki have hidden this fact from me. I felt it but I trusted them. And then…”

He started to sob uncontrollably and closed one hand to a fist around one fan.

“They told me everything was fine. Katara was on a trip with Aang when Suki broke down. Labor has started too early. I tried to help her. I tried to contact Katara, but… but… it was too late.”

Azula’s eyes shot wide open as she felt Sokka letting himself fall against her. Her mind was blank and she stiffened at the unexpected touch of the man but Sokka clawed himself at her robe and pressed his face against her shoulder.

“They… They died, Azula. My child…Suki…”

He was sobbing hard and pushed her back to face the firebender’s shocked look.

“My love killed both, Azula. If I haven’t loved her she still could be alive. Again… My care brings only pain, like to you. They have forced you down as I visited you, remember? I…”

He finally noticed the raw shock in her look and stopped crying aloud. Tears were still streaming down his face, but he fell silent. He carefully released her out of his grip and corrected her robe in shame.

“See, every time I care someone gets hurt. And now you.”

He took a look around.

“I meant what I told you. I do not apologize for winning, but for ignoring my instinct to help. I care because I wanted to prove myself that I can ease someone’s misery. I wanted to prove myself that I can undo a damage, that I can help at least anyone I have let down by ignoring my instincts. But today I see the irony. I only hurt people when I care, Azula.”

His hand reached out for hers but stopped halfway. He struggled for a moment but finally decided not to take her hand.

“I am sorry for all the misery, the old one and the new one. I’ll leave to keep you safe from me and my care. I’ve cause enough misery with it.”

He stood up slowly taking the fans in one hand and bowed before Azula, who was still staring in shock and confusion at Sokka.

“My deepest apologize for my disturbance Princess Azula. I can assure this won’t happen again. Thank you for teaching me how to deal with this pain. I assure you, that you haven’t waste your time.”

He left the room after a last bow, wiping away his tears in haste. Azula stared at the open doorway for a second… and the next moment she found herself rushing after Sokka.

He has heard her running behind him but he wasn’t prepared that she crashed in him as he was turning around. He had no time to wince in pain as he felt her lips at his own. His eyes jumped wide but the Firebender had already buried her hands in his hair pulling him closer. He stumbled back at the wall while Azula placed heated kisses at his lips and cheeks, kissing away the tears with an unknown desperation. He recognized his hands on her cheeks pushing her back a bit staring at her in surprise and confusion. He could feel her hot breath at his face and see this glow in her eyes. 

“Azula…? Haven’t you listen? I only hurt people I care…”

The Firebender tightened her grip in his hair. Tears were running down her cheeks and her voice hushed whisper.

“You freed me peasant, so I can hurt anyone down here. Including myself.”

Sokka’s eyes widened even more as he faced the begging fire in Azula’s golden ones. She understood his pain. 

All of it.

And then he pulled her face closer for an desperate kiss. Sokka could hear his blood rushing through his veins as Azula dared to open her mouth, her tongue searching for Sokka’s with a ragged moan. He pulled her even closer, feeling her heart beating fast in her chest as he started to lay kisses along her neck. Hands running along her petit frame as she pressed herself at him as close as possible while her lips started to wander along his face.

And so they dragged each other down the corridor, tangled in each other, while hands and lips kept searching for the heated skin of the other and desperate breaths got mixed with moans and begging whimpers as they tried to feel skin on skin to ease a pain both of them knew all too well.


	19. Whe Lessons Fail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. As I promissed I have published some more chapters today. The story is about to reach its end within the next days. I case the question might have moved a readers mind about the placement of this AU, either you can consider a completely different AU starting right after the comics where Zuko would have searched for Ursa without Azula's help and where she has spend years within the institution or you could place this one after the events of The Search and consider Azula has been recaptured soon after her flight within the valley with a followed stay in the asylum for years again. I hope all of you have some fun with the published chapters of today.

Azula watched at the sleeping man at her side. The light of the candles outlined the warm and peaceful look on his face. She could still taste him on her lips, could still feel his strong hands on her sweaty skin. She could smell him and hear their moans and heavy breaths as they have moved together in a passionate rhythm, while her heart has beaten as fast as the one of Sokka. 

Now he was sleeping beside her and it seemed a weight has been moved away from his chest. Azula smiled warm at him and dared to brush away a strain of his hair out of his face. Her hand got caught by Sokka’s and he placed a gentle kiss at her palm which was sending a shiver down her spine in a most pleasant but also confusing way. His blue eyes were glowing in the dark room with a new found warmth. It was strange and comfortable and at the same time it felt confusing.  
Azula turned away from Sokka but the man pulled her closer laying an arm around her shoulder and taking her hand again which he had kissed moments ago.

He showed patience.

A silence offer to talk and Azula chewed on her cheek for some time until she finally decided to speak.

“I lied to you.”

Her voice was shaky but she felt Sokka interlocking his fingers with her.

“It wasn’t the last lesson. I skipped another one. A shameful one.”

A little break followed which Sokka used to place a kiss on her bare shoulder snuggling himself even closer at Azula.

“Or two, it depends on how you like to see it.”

The man started to stroke the back of her hand with his thumb. It was a soothing and pleasant tickle. Azula had to admit that she was impressed by his patience. Azula took a deep breath and dared to turn back to Sokka. She could see his tears running down in silence and he carefully brushed her dark hair out of her face. A brushing kiss on her lips send a warm and comforting tingle through her whole body and she returned it with an more passionate one but broke it after a little time with a bitter face.

“You’ve asked me why I’m thinking I deserve it.”

Azula noticed that Sokka was suddenly holding his breath and her eyes wandered back to the covered mirror. Her change of subject only seem to encourage him to hold her close.

“It’s simple. Because I’m a monster and a failure.”

Her head got turned back from Sokka instantly and a deep kiss was the first answer. She had seen the anger and protest in his face and finally after he ended the kiss Sokka dared to speak up.

“Wrong Azula. You’re no monster and no failure.”

Azula gave him a bitter smile and cupped his cheek with her hand.

“History would like to disagree at this point. My father…”

Sokka shook his head almost violently as he interrupted Azula.

“Your father has used you, Azula. He has tried to make a monster out of you, but luckily he failed. He may have cared for you, but only as long as he had a use for you. His plans and demands were wrong. He was a failure. He has failed to be a loving father. He…”

Sokka stopped and frowned at Azula, who has started to laugh in bitterness. She gifted Sokka an almost pitied smile.

“You don’t see it?”

Sokka’s confusion was growing and Azula sighed in resignation while her face darkened.

“Your point of view only outlines my conclusion.”

Azula faced the shocked look of the warrior with a shameful face.

“If father was right, then I failed to be strong enough to defend my crown. I failed to defend my Nation before the Avatar and my brother. I failed the expectations he had in me and I failed to fight with honor and dignity for our glorious Nation. I have allowed myself to behave like a wild mad animal and got chained down and thrown away like the feral beast I dared to become in an act of shame and weakness.”

She could hear Sokka taking a sob but blocked his hands which tried to pull her into a soothing kiss. Azula wasn’t finish yet.

“And if you’re right, then I failed to see the lies and the wrongs my father has done. I failed to see the strength in unconditional love, care and compassion, I failed to see the shame my father and my family has brought to the Nation. I failed to show these aspects and failed to stand up against him. I failed to protect my honor, the honor of my family and my Nation. If you’re right, then my mother has been so as well. I have only been a monster. Like father.”

Her golden eyes locked with Sokka’s teary blue ones. 

“In both cases I deserve all of this, Sokka.”

She could feel his shock radiating from him in hot waves and they were only increasing her shame. Azula was about to turn away again when Sokka pulled her close, kissing her desperately over and over again. The Princess was taken off guard by his sudden desperation and tried to push him back, but the man rested his head on her shoulder while he was stroking her hair.

“But that’s not true, Azula.”

Azula huffed in bitterness.

“Now you try to sound like mother.”

The Firebender’s jaw dropped at the angry glare she received from Sokka as he finally released her out of his hold.

“I hope not, cause I don’t like her.”

The baffled face of Azula managed to bring back his warm smile.

“Your mother. She really tries to do it better this time yes, still I don’t like her.”

He sighed a bit and sat up in bed facing the end of it.

“Of course not as bad as I don’t like your father but still I don’t like her.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. His voice was much quieter as he continued speaking.

“My parents loved us both, Azula. Katara and I have been lucky to have such good parents. None of them has ever favored one of us and I am sure that none of them would have backed down before the other in a case of mistreatment. But your mother did. She has favored Zuko and hasn’t fought for you as she has done for Zuko in my opinion and I do blame her for that.”

He turned back to Azula, who was still staring with open moth at Sokka.

“She does blame herself as well but this fact won’t change my anger.”

He struggled a bit but finally he dared to take her hand again.

“I don’t know if things have been easier for you in case she would have fought for you the same way she did for Zuko but I am sure it would have spared you this misery.”

Azula felt tears coming to her eyes and she let her fall free this time. Sokka was holding her left hand with both of his ones and the honesty in his look was striking her hard and deep. 

It was a warm feeling. 

A hopeful one.

It was a fire in this look she has seen at his first visit before she has dared to teach him her lessons.

Azula got closer and started to kiss him. Their tongues started to dance again with more and more passion while she buried her hand in his hair again. She let her hand running to his cheek and pushed his face back a bit to fix this warm shine in his blue eyes. 

“You really believe in that, don’t you?”

Sokka was smiling so warm at her. It was all she needed to see and it brought a smile to her lips. Azula placed a soft kiss at his nose and hugged him tight to whisper in his ear.

“Thank you.”

Her voice fell even quitter as she kept facing the covered mirror.

“I still owe you the last lessons. Sometimes all former lessons will fail. Sometimes you won’t be strong enough to handle your faults and your pain.”

She could feel his protective grip around her tighten carefully. 

“When this happens you have to forget all the lessons for a while and you’ll cling at a lie to take a break until you realize again that you should never forget lesson one.”

Sokka didn’t saw the candelabra coming Azula had grabbed with her other hand. It was an awful dull thump as the metal object hit his head and the warrior’s body got limp in Azula’s arms.


	20. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. Two little chapters for today and we're getting closer to the end of this one. I will finish it this week. Hope you'll have some fun with it.

His head was throbbing in a dull pain as his vision returned. He tried to get up but got pushed back down. Sokka felt his sight lacking colors and shape but obviously someone was above him. Instincts kicked in and he wanted to defend himself, but the pain only got intense and then he noticed another person and noises in the background. And he smelled fire.

His eyes jumped wide open and finally he snapped back to reality.

“Ambassador please be careful. The physician will be here soon.”

It was an unknown member of the staff which tried to push him back into the sheets most carefully. Sokka stared at the room with shock. The furnishing was trashed into pieces. Burning marks were everywhere and the scent of smoldering fire was filling the air like the black and grey fog which was drifting through the opened door. But it was the noise which let Sokka’s blood run cold as eyes and which forced him on his feet beside the returning dizziness.

These tortured and absolute feral screams which cut their way right through flesh and bone. He shambled out of the ruins of the room and his stomach lurched. Four big men were dragging a screaming and kicking package towards the exit of the complex. Azula’s look was wild and filled with an absolute rage and hate.

“No, NO. Azula. No! Let her go!”

Sokka tried to block the way but his dizziness forced him to search for a grip at the wall. The group stopped but the men didn’t let Azula go still her screaming stopped. Sokka’s heart froze at the mad and sinister look in her eyes. A wicked grin was around her lips.

“Greetings, peasant. Seems to be like my finest robes will return in the end. But I have to say the sweetness of victory outweighs these unpleasantries.”

Sokka’s mouth stood wide open. He stared at the Firebender in absolute shock and lack of understanding. His dumbfounded face elicited an evil chuckle from Azula.

“Oh you don’t understand. Well let me try to enlighten your small snow savage mind.”

The men started to rip at her bindings again, but an ice-cold look from Sokka made them stop.

“Leave us alone for a moment. NOW.”

The Princess was still grinning sinister but she raised an eyebrow at the dangerous edge in Sokka’s voice and the men followed his command immediately. The retreated towards the heavy iron door of the complex. Sokka’s questioning look found Azula’s glowing wicked eyes again. The Princess chuckled again.

“I thought you… we… Azula, why? I…”

The Princess was laughing hard and didn’t stop as she noticed the wet glitter in Sokka’s eyes. His trembling voice only seemed to increase her amusement.

“Always the stupid peasant. You ask me why? Revenge!”

Sokka’s face lost more of its color which let the grin on Azula’s face fade. A burning hate approached on it while her eyes burned in a dreadful fire.

“Years I have rot down here surrounded by poisoned lies and promises, treated like a monster and finally I got a chance to get revenge because a stupid naïve peasant dared to unbound me. And suddenly there it was. My chance to strike against all of them by using you.”

A sinister smirk came to her lips.

“Oh how all of you loves to play the big happy family but here you was, broken and hurt and all I had to do was to sharpen the shards. So I taught you to isolate you, to push away all the ones who are close to you and you jumped at my poisoned lessons instantly. I have made you hurt the ones who cared for you like they have hurt me. And now you’re alone and have left wounds which will never go away. Scars will remain and especially your witch of sister will never forget the pain you’ve caused to her.”

Azula chuckled as Sokka broke down on his knees again, while tears started to run down his cheeks.

“That’s a lie, Azula.”

His desperate whisper only caused a new chuckle from the Firebender.

“Is that so? You really thought I would be so pathetic? I never asked for your help peasant! Not today, not back at the days as you first felt the urge to follow your whiny instincts.”

She tried to get a bit closer but the heavy bindings ended her attempt so she remained in place still smiling dangerous at him.

“It was you, who has called himself nuts to get down here and to free me. I told you, I could choose who I would hurt now and I took my chance, peasant. I promised you’d pay for that and now you will. For the rest of your life and all your friends will pay too cause this sting can never be removed completely.”

Loathing flickered over Sokka’s face, but this fact only let Azula’s smile got wider and more sinister.

“I hope you’ll have learned the lessons well, cause you’ll need them for the rest of your life because of the friends and family you have pushed away with hurt and false accusations.”

Sokka was trembling. There was still a rest of doubt in his look. He looked so confused.

“But we… You kissed me.”

Azula’s face seem to fell for a moment. The Princess closed her eyes but an evil laughter finally tore its way free from her throat, which let Sokka stumble back from her.

“Revenge is only sweetest when you can taste it in full. If words won’t shy your friends away or your sister, this fact will. Beside…”

Azula opened her eyes again and no matter how hard Sokka tried to see something friendly in her golden orbs, he only find mocking amusement.

“Now you know how it feels when you get betrayed from people you once have allowed to get too close.”

There it was.

It rushed in terrible waves over Sokka and it let Azula’s face change into a satisfied one.

Loathing.

Deepest and purest loathing and shock of realization.

Sokka only retreated from her as the men got back to drag her out of the complex. She gave Sokka a last nod.

“I hope it was a pleasant stay down here. To me it was. I have to say I haven’t got so much fun since years.”

Her laughter turned into an almost hysteric one as the dark doorway swallowed the men with the bound Princess.


	21. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everybody. Final is close and as promised two chapters today. I hope you'll have some fun with these two.

Azula was alone.

Again.

She was bound.

Again.

Placed in a simple miserable cell.

Again.

The Firebender had stopped laughing as the footsteps of the staff have fade behind the heavy iron door. Her mouth was dry and she could feel the big hole in her heart which was seeping all these choking and painful emotions but she was used to it. Azula was used to this pain for so long. So all what these feelings were left was exhaustion. To her luck she has trashed this false promise into pieces. It has given her time to prepare for this moment. It hasn’t left her enough strength to cry over this loss.

Azula was used to feel this way.

“Why Azula…?”

Normally she would have felt anger and rage but this time Azula only felt a choking and defeating sickness. Ursa’s voice was filled with an unbelievable sadness. The Princess dared to take a look at the milky shabby reflection she could spot at a puddle of water at the ground. Her mother’s face was filled with an incredible pain. But Azula couldn’t bring herself to cry. The words felt like they were burning her throat when they worked their way free.

“You know who I am, mother.”

She could see tears slipping Ursa’s eyes in the reflection. Azula had to keep talking otherwise it would tore her apart.

“He was a fool to free me. He hasn’t in him to be like me. To handle me.”

She felt a lump forming in her throat.

“He should have known better. I only remind him who I am.”

Azula struggled for a moment as she noticed Ursa sobbing. It let the voice of the Princess fall down to an empty whisper.

“He would have left anyway. I only spared us more pain.”

She felt a tear slipping her eye and Azula couldn’t suppress her bottom lip from quivering.

“It is better this way. For both of us.”

Azula felt a heavy sting in her chest as Ursa’s reflection started to cry openly. She wished she could curl up to a ball right now but there was no chance with the bindings. And so she just let her tears fall free for a while.

She had no clue how much time has gone by as she noticed the lock opening. Dr. Kujing entered the room with two staff members. She hated his observing look. The pity in his eyes and his concerns but she was too weak and too burned out at the moment to offer him the loathing she was feeling right now.

“The ambassador has left.”

Azula felt the prang at her heart but only huffed and managed a little smirk. Dr. Kujing was holding his hands behind his back and kept observing her. Finally he nodded and the two men walked to her. Azula was surprised because she was pulled on her feet as gently as possible. She glared at the men, but her look lacked the last will to pick up the fight. She has done enough fighting for today.

“I’ll escort you to your new quarter.”

Azula closed her eyes to hide the bitterness which was biting her right now. Every dream has an end and every lie will finally be replaced by the bitter truth. The monster would return into a cage which would suite her more. And so Azula didn’t pay any attention to the way the men have taken. Her golden eyes kept staring empty to the ground. Better to leave her hopes behind as fast as she could so they couldn’t cut her anymore.

And so the sudden light was hitting her out of nowhere.

Azula yelped in shock and surprised and had to pinch her eyelids together as the sun was kissing her face. The group has stopped and waited until her eyes have adjusted a bit before they continued walking through the outer areal of the sanatorium.

It was overwhelming. The smell of flowers, the sunlight, the colors… Azula was still pinching her eyelids but it was exhilarating to see, to smell and to feel all of this again but at the same time she had no clue why. She noticed the group heading for an extra secured little barrack within the wide area. The little house was surrounded by an extra fence and imperial guards were posted around it but it had a decent garden within the fence and the building seemed to be freshly painted. The Princess was guided inside and Azula’s jaw dropped a second time. The barrack had a little living room, filled up with nice furnishing which was reminding her of her old rooms within the Palace. She has peeked into other rooms while passing them and it seemed to be that this was set up like a little house for her. The Firebender noticed the staff leaving and her face showed complete confusion as she noticed the shaky hands of the doctor at the bindings. The man gave her a nervous smile.

“The ambassador has ordered to prepare this during his recovery. It was his wish…”

The man bit his lip and he took a deep breath as he finally dared to open the straightjacket.

“It was his plan to continue his stay with you up here but now he only wished to keep his promise and beside my better judgement I want to give it a try.”

Azula’s jaw dropped. Dr. Kujing has carefully taken some steps back from her. He was obviously concerned and nervous but Azula only felt her knees getting soft. She was stumbling and the man dared to catch her to guide her on a couch. She stared at him with a complete lack of understanding. 

“So Sokka has never planned to leave?”

She didn’t even cared that her voice was trembling. Dr. Kujing looked painful at her.

“No, he has planned to keep helping you. He has returned to you to fetch his stuff to bring it up here before…”

Azula felt her guards crumble. All these emotions were too much. She looked painful at the Dr. Kujing who was obviously deciding to take a seat beside her, but she stopped him with raising her arm.

“I… You should better leave…”

Dr. Kujing nodded and bowed a bit before he left Azula alone. She heard the door closing as her tears started to fall free. And so she cried out her anger and sadness.

Sokka has really believed in his lie.

But she hasn’t.

Katara has been right. This stupid peasant hasn’t seen a monster in her. So in the end it has been better to scare him away before she would have turned him into one.

Even if it was hurting her. Like she has said. Never forget lesson one.


	22. Ignoring Instincts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody. This is it the final chapter. For the last time I wish all of you some fun with this one.

Days blurred into weeks which blurred into months. And the pain didn’t fade. Not like other times. Every corner reminded Azula at her decision to spite Sokka all this hate in his face. The bedroom which was reminding her at her old one she used to have in the Palace. The library which was filled with the same books and scrolls she had down in this dark cage. The trainings room and the trainings areal in the little garden. The worst was the bathroom and facilities. The stupid shield Sokka has painted was hanging at the door. It must have survived her rampage and of course even after all she had done Sokka has ordered to bring it up to her new quarter with everything else which has survived the destruction down there. But like she told Sokka in a moment of weakness.

She deserved it.

All of it.

Like he deserved none of it.

Azula has seen how stubborn Sokka was. She has seen how she was affecting him. It was the only consolation for the Princess. She has saved him from the monster with these lies. She has saved him from becoming one too. It would have hurt even more if this would have happened. So it was better this way. Never forget lesson one.

And so Azula saw no point at leaving this cage anymore.

Nothing she would find outside of it has any meaning to her. She deserved to be caged away and so she stayed.

It was the perfect place to bring her misery, to give her painful stings at every corner of it.

She returned to train and to her surprise no one stopped her from doing so.

She returned to order books and scrolls and to her surprise she still got them.

Ching returned to her as some sort of personal staff and she left him in one piece.

Like she did with Dr. Kujing. The man returned to his weekly visits and was simply asking about how she was doing and Azula couldn’t remember why but at one day she has considered to answer. The conversations have been short and it took time but at one of these visits she dared to ask the man a vital question. A question which was keep moving her mind since she was brought here.

“Why?”

It has been a test and Azula was pleased that her instinct hasn’t failed her cause the man instantly knew which topic she was touching with this question.

“Why I choose to give you a new quarter? Because it has been the ambassador’s wish.”

Azula frowned at this answer and it was obvious that the man had to suppress a chuckle.

“It’s not that I would have followed his wish blindly. It’s not so simple.”

Dr. Kujing got serious and started to rub his chin.

“Sometimes routines are making us blind. They definitely have blinded me. I have stopped to keep trying and the ambassador… well he has broken this routine.”

Azula huffed and the man faced her piercing look.

“Things have happen the way they have. Neither I’m proud of it nor am I apologizing for it. But I do blame me for giving up searching until the ambassador showed up with his own struggle and his wish to visit you. He has given an opening to all of us. And so I dared to give his instinct a try.”

Azula was chewing on her cheek. She hated the way Sokka was still stirring up her emotions. She had become better to conceal it but the sting remained and it was hurting like at the day she has spitted her loathing at him. Finally she snapped out of her wandering thoughts as she noticed the observing look of Dr. Kujing resting on her.

“He was a fool to trust me. Luckily I have taught him better.”

Azula’s voice was much quieter than she has planned to be. Dr. Kujing released a sad sigh.

“But he has trusted you. And he has never give up hope or broke his promise.”

Azula’s eyes widened in surprise and Dr. Kujing bowed with a warm smile.

“I simply dared to follow an instinct.”

To know these facts weren’t a help. Days moved on and Azula kept up her routine. But nothing she was doing was able to drive away this remaining bitterness in her heart. Dr. Kujing kept trying to offer her chances to talk about it, but she stayed quiet, always keeping conversations just around her general state of health and comfort. He has informed her that he has asked her family to try visits again if she would agree to see them and to her bitter surprise Zuko and mother kept asking for it instantly but she refused to see them. As more it upset her to notice the breakfast table set up for two one morning. 

Of course they would ignore her wishes sooner or later.

Azula released an annoyed huff at the fire lilies at the table in the dining room and the fine decorated table and the carefully placed food on it. All of this smelled like Zuko’s idea and she considered to blast everything off the table but couldn’t find the final drive to do so. It wouldn’t change anything. She was about to return to her sleeping room in order to wait until her stupid brother would give up as she noticed a little box beside one plate. Azula had no clue why, but curiosity won over her instinct to ignore this little object and so she picked up the box and opened it.

She almost dropped it with a teary gasp of surprise. Shaky hands lifted a blue ribbon up before her face. Sokka’s ribbon.

“I remembered I forgot a parting gift.”

This warm voice made Azula nearly jump. Her moth stood agape in total surprise as she dared to turn around. The Princess couldn’t believe her eyes. Sokka was standing within the doorway with his ridiculous warm smile on his lips. Azula just stared at him like she has seen a ghost.

“But…”

Sokka blushed and a flicker of sadness rushed over his face.

“I’m sorry Azula.”

Her confusion grew stronger and she leaned her head to her left. Sokka dared to make a step towards her blushing even deeper.

“I…”

He took a deep breath and finally dared to face her golden eyes with his deep blue ones. 

“You knew they would forgive me. You knew they would understand me. All you had to do was to hurt me as hard as you could to push me away so I would dare to forget your lessons.”

Azula felt a heat rushing over her. It was twisting her head and stomach but she couldn’t break the eye contact. These deep blue eyes. There was a new fire in them which didn’t allow to avoid his look.

“You told me that I have given you the chance to hurt anyone down there. It has taken some time and help to realize that it wasn’t me you have referred to.”

Azula felt herself shivering at his words. Sokka was getting closer to her.

“That’s a lie Sokka…”

It was a trembling whisper and Azula felt tears prickling in her eyes. How could he dare to do this again? She already has pushed as hard as possible to keep him away. But here he was again with this warm smile and his blue eyes watching at her and waking up all these pathetic emotions. The man closed the distance with a careful step and carefully took the ribbon out of her shaking hands.

“Maybe… But it’s the lie I want to believe in. You have decided to save me from you but you’ve forgot one aspect.”

He circled Azula and a shiver was running down her spine as she noticed his hands parting her hair to form her bangles and the topknot.

“When you understand someone’s pain you might be able to help this person to heal instead of to live with it.”

He finished the topknot and turned her around carefully. His smile was so warm.

“There was a way back for me. My friends. You have found it. You have believed in it and in my instincts.”

He dared to take her hand and Azula noticed her breath hitch.

“My friends… Katara… they have helped me to realize it. They dare to see it the same way, Azula.”

He carefully brought her shaking hand towards his face and finally dared to rest his head in her palm.

“You’ve said you sometimes need to forget all these lessons for some time. What about to forget these lessons once and for all?”

Azula seemed to drown in these blue eyes. Emotions were roaring in her heart and kept struggling with her instinct to burn his cheek. All she would have to do was to light a flame at her palm. It would push him away.

“Spare me of your pity.”

It was a weak whisper and to her surprise it only earned a warm smile.

“Compassion isn’t pity Azula. What I have… what I see is such a strong and amazing woman. A woman who could handle everything, even to be true to herself. To my experiences this requires incredible strength. Strength I wouldn’t have found without your help.”

Azula’s fingers were jerking at his cheek. She could feel the heat already rising but Sokka didn’t do anything to remove her hand. He kept pressing hers at his cheek softly with his own.

“But… I hurt people…”

Sokka just smiled even warmer and dared to pull her closer with his other hand.

“I think I have proven that I can handle some pain.”

Azula felt her knees getting soft and she had to take a grip at his robe to keep her on her feet. Her voice fell down to a whisper.

“People don’t change so easily. You’re the best prove.”

She felt him pulling her at his chest and tears were in his eyes. His face was so close at hers.

“We would have time, Azula.”

He nodded to the doorway and Azula gasped as she spotted Sokka’s bag leaning at the frame. She turned back to him and tears were finally running down her cheeks. The warrior wiped them away carefully.

“Time to get to know each other. To open up step by step.”

His look was so full of trust and hope.

“In case you would dare to try it.”

All instincts screamed in her to slap him right here and now. This was a lie. But no matter how hard she tried to find a prove for her instincts she couldn’t find one. And she was tried. She has been tired since months. Maybe it was time to ignore her instincts. Only a fool would dare to trust her. But it would be easier if she wouldn’t be the only fool. And so Azula closed her arms around Sokka to place a desperate kiss on his lips.

She could feel this fire jumping high in her as the man returned the kiss instantly. Things still were far from being alright, but there was hope and for the first time since years Azula had hope that it wasn’t a false one. Sokka understood her. Like she has understood him. She has found a way for him, so maybe he could find a way for her. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo. My first Sokkla fic and I hope I have done an acceptable job. Azula hasn't trusted herself in this one and the decision to attack Sokka and to destroy everything was her choice to save Sokka. She has played his game for a while and has started to teach him her way to deal with it but she also started to have feelings for him and so she decided to save him before her lessons and herself. But Sokka has seen through her scheme in the end. I have decided to end this one here. Azula has still a long way to go and so would have this starting relationship here but she hasn't to face this way on her own and she has already changed one aspect. Azula dares to let Sokka in her life to help. I tried to slow down the progress Azula was making since I feel a full recovery in this kind of setting would need so much more space.  
> Like announced I'll take a break from writing now. This one was the last loose end I had to finish. I hope you had some fun with this story. Thank you for the encouragement and the kind words for me from all of you. Have a wonderful time.  
> Yours  
> gemsofformenos


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